


Feeling You Beside Me

by AJSpikey



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Fluff, F/F, Fluff, Post 2x14
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-03-17 02:22:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3511685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJSpikey/pseuds/AJSpikey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke stopped walking, looked around and taking in the elated mood of the camp, and smiled. She smiled. A genuine, cheeks hurting, giant smile, which escalated to a soft chuckle that morphed into a low laughter. Clarke felt free. She felt the burden of being a strong leader, prepared to sacrifice people in order to win, fall from her shoulders. In this moment, surrounded by both of her People, no threat hanging over them, she felt free. Tonight, she decided, she was not the leader of The Sky People. Tonight she was just Clarke, and she would celebrate with the others. Tomorrow she would pick up the title again and rebuild what was lost. But that was tomorrow. She was free.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my awesome Beta, Tehulla. She read it and basically went: Nope, don't change a thing.  
> Also, English is my second language and I'm slightly dyslexic, so I'm sorry if I/spell check didn't catch all the mistakes.  
> I was inspired to write this story after I saw the video on tumblr of Eliza Taylor singing and playing the guitar.

It had been a tough and demanding battle. Both the Sky People and the Grounders had suffered losses. But they had won. They had taken Mount Weather and freed their people. 

After having seen to the wounded, Clarke wanders around, not sure what to do with herself, her mind is working a million miles a minute. So she wanders aimlessly, having tried to sit down and relax and felt way too restless. She ends up in the Art vault, admiring the paintings and statues. 

Clarke rounds a corner and spots several different music instruments, among them an acoustic guitar. Her feet finally stop moving and she stares at the guitar, remembering her younger years on The Ark, back when they still had a working guitar and she had learned how to play it.

With shaking fingers, Clarke reaches out and grabs hold of the guitar. She sits down on a stool, a few rows over, and tests out the strings. They are out of tune, but the sound brings tears to Clarke's eyes. It had been 5 years since she last played, her father had taught her. She takes a deep breath to steady her emotions and use a few minutes to tune the guitar, her skills coming back to her, alongside excitement.

When Clarke emerges from Mount Weather, to the camp that had been set up outside, it's past sundown. Clarke had spend hours wandering around and then getting reacquainted with playing the guitar and testing out her voice. She hadn't sung since before she was locked up in the Sky Box. She easily spots the campfire her friends and family are sitting around. 

Most of them made it through the battle. They had lost Kane, Jasper and Miller. Bellamy, Indra and a few other were still in the infirmary, but they would survive, though Octavia wouldn't leave either of them.

As Clarke got closer to the campfire, she heard Raven's laughter. That sound, laughter, was something Clarke hadn't heard in a while, and it filled a hole in her chest she didn't even knew was empty. It finally hit her: They had won. They had survived. Their people were free and their alliance looked, from the way the Sky People and the Tree People mingled at the fires, to be going strong. Fighting together, proving themselves to one another, had set aside most of the animosity between them.

Clarke stopped walking, looked around and taking in the elated mood of the camp, and smiled. She smiled. A genuine, cheeks hurting, giant smile, which escalated to a soft chuckle that morphed into a low laughter. Clarke felt free. She felt the burden of being a strong leader, prepared to sacrifice people in order to win, fall from her shoulders. In this moment, surrounded by both of her People, no threat hanging over them, she felt free. Tonight, she decided, she was not the leader of The Sky People. Tonight she was just Clarke, and she would celebrate with the others. Tomorrow she would pick up the title again and rebuild what was lost. But that was tomorrow. She was free.

She made it over to the fire, sitting beside her mother and giving her a sideways hug. Mother and daughter shared a long look. A look that said many things: I miss you. I'm sorry. I forgive you. I love you. Smiles were shared and contentment settled over them. They were free.

After eating and sharing the bottle of whiskey being passed around, Clarke took the guitar out the the bag she has put it in and the people around her, one by one, got silent, waiting to hear what Clarke would play. She took a deep, settling breath, and strummed the cords of a melancholy lullaby. It was a story about a princess. A princess standing up to an evil wizard, who was using dragons to gain more power. After being afraid for most of her life, the princess becomes friends with a young dragon and wows to help the dragon escape the evil wizard. She succeeds, but then have to say goodbye to the dragon and let it fly away. There were more dragons to help and a wizard to defeat. It was a story about overcoming fear and standing up for oneself and others. It was about saying goodbye to a dear friend.

When Clarke started singing, people around her grew silent and her voice was carried further out, more people could hear her. The Ark people recognized the lullaby, and one by one, started to sing along. The Grounders took in the intense mood of the Sky People, listening to the words of the song. It was a beautiful and haunting melody, fitting for saying goodbye to their fallen warriors. 

When the song ended, silence took over the camp. Clarke stood, put down the guitar and raised the bottle of whiskey standing at her feet, and with a strong, clear voice, said: “To our fallen brothers and sisters. May we meet again.”

The Sky People also rose and raised whatever they had in their hands and repeated, “May we meet again.” and sat down. Clarke, still standing, took in the many faces, of both her people, for she considered the Grounders her people too, turned her way.

“Yu gonplei ste odon.” Clarke uttered in the same strong voice. The Grounders, and those of the Sky People who knew the meaning: Your fight is over, all repeated the Trigedasleng words.

“I know we have lost many warriors today. It was one hell of a long and tough battle, but we made it through to the other side. We freed our people.” Clarke turned her eyes to Lexa, and they shared a small nod, while the people around them cheered. “We have proved that when we fight together, both Tree People and Sky People, that we are a force to be reckoned with.” More cheering were heard and the two People exchanged hand shakes, back claps and hugs. When the noise died down again, Clarke continued. “I say we honor our fallen, our brothers and sisters. Our family. Our friends. We honor their sacrifice. They fought so the rest of us could live. So tomorrow we rebuild and tonight we live!” Clarke's voice rose in strength and volume, and the last words were shouted.

As the camp erupted in cheers and the mood rose to new heights, the celebrations continued and people were sharing war stories and knowledge and laughter.

Clarke sat down, after receiving hugs from her friends and her mother. She picked up the guitar again and started playing more festive songs. Some of the people around her knew the songs and sang along and sometimes only Clarke's voice could be heard. 

Some time went by and Clarke started to play slower songs and the mood grew quieter. The adrenaline of the day slipping away and people began to feel the exhaustion of the last couple of days. Some went to bed and others were content to sit by the fires and relax or pass out. In the end, only Clarke, Abby and Lexa remained at their fire. 

Clarke started to play a soft melody and caught Lexa's stare, their eyes locking. The song was about new love and accepting and daring to feel the strong emotions that love creates. Abby felt the shift in emotions, saw her daughter was looking at Lexa, and turned her own eyes towards the fearsome leader of the Grounders. The usually stoic Commander, who had washed off her war paint during the night, looked so young, so nothing like she had earlier with war paint covering her harsh eyes and blood running down her face. Lexa's eyes were soft and they had a shine to them. Her mouth was slightly open, her breath was quickened and she sat at the edge of the log. Abby noticed a faint blush covering Lexa's cheeks. She looked so young. Too young to be the fearless and ruthless leader, Abby had encountered before this night. It threw her for a minute. Then she remembered that Lexa had hardly taken her eyes off of Clarke the entire night, it had made her slightly wearied, but now she understood. Lexa hadn't taken her eyes off of Clarke because she was waiting for her to make a mistake or something along those lines. She hadn't taken her eyes off of her because Lexa simply couldn't.

Abby then looked at Clarke, noticing the exact same look on her. Clarke's eyes were so open, Abby could see that she was scared, but also determined. Something had shifted between Clarke and Lexa and emotions had sprung leaks in their beings, pouring out of cracks in their masks. The realization hit Abby in the chest, and her breath caught. Her daughter and the Commander had fallen in love, and Abby felt like this moment was special to them. She felt like an intruder. An intruder to a moment, that should only be shared between two souls. She looked around to the campfires, noticing the few remaining had passed out, she was the only one witnessing this special moment. She had to get away, give them some privacy.

Clarke was no longer her little girl, Abby had learned that the hard way. Clarke had been forced to grow up at 17, when she was arrested and later sent down to Earth and had forced to become the leader they all needed. Clarke had seen and done some dark and terrible, things in order for her and her people to survive. Abby understood sacrifice and the burden of leadership and she had feared her daughter would crumble under the weight. Luckily she hadn't. Clarke had rose to the task and gone above and beyond. Abby now understood that Clarke hadn't done it alone, Lexa had been with her, at least for the last couple of weeks.

Lexa understood what leadership meant and had guided Clarke through the tough choices. Lexa had given Clarke strength and Clarke had softened Lexa's inner walls. Abby now understood that the two young women were equals. She had feared that Lexa had been changing her daughter by telling her to turn off her emotions, and she had. But it hadn't all been in a bad way. They had taught each other to become better leaders.

At the realization, Abby gently stood and and slipped away, unnoticed by the two women, locked in a world where only they existed. When the song ended, Abby, still within hearing range, stopped and turned to watch the scene unfold. She still felt the need to protect Clarke, but she didn't want to crowd her.

Clarke, still not breaking eye contact with Lexa, put down the guitar and stood, making her way over to stand in front of Lexa. She put a hand forward, palm up, silently asking Lexa to take hold of it and stand. She did, standing so close to Clarke that they could feel each others' breath mingle. 

During the night they had both taken off their armor and jackets, the summer air and warmth from the fires keeping them warm. Even without the imposing armor and war paint, Lexa still had a commanding presence. Clarke was in such awe of her, always had been drawn to her quiet strength. Lexa had admired Clarke's tenacity since their first meeting, even if the had found Clarke's need to express all of her emotions annoying, and at first took it for weakness.

They stood like that for a while, eyes searching, breaths mingling, hands interlocked. It was intense. Their breaths started to pick up pace and thumbs began playing on skin. Eye's flickered from each other to lips and back again, in a play to see who would cave first, both daring and scared. 

Lexa lifted her other hand to cup Clarke's cheek, thumb running across soft lips.  
“I was wrong, Clarke. Love is not weakness, for I do not feel weak with you.” Lexa's voice was low and husky, though the words still made it to Abby's ears.  
“I am ready.” Was all Clarke said. Lexa's breath caught in a small sob and a smile spread across her face. Lexa freed her hand from Clarke's and brought it to cup her other cheek. Clarke's hands grabbed Lexa's hips and the two stepped closer, bringing their bodies flush against each other. They leaned in after another shared look, and closed their eyes as their lips met. This kiss, much like their first, was soft and tender, lips slowly gliding over lips. 

Lexa's hands moved from Clarke's cheeks, one cupping her neck, the other tangling in her hair, as their kiss intensified and deepened. Mouths opened, tongues played, lips were caught between teeth. Clarke's hold grew tighter, pulling Lexa further into her body.

Abby really felt like an intruder now, having been caught up in the strong emotions from the two women. She turned and walked away, hearing Clarke's out of breath voice.

“Take me to your tent.”

Abby wowed to wake up early and try to give her daughter and her love some peace and some privacy. The others could deal with her and let their leaders sleep in. They deserved it.

Neither woman had noticed that Abby had left them, or even that she had been there when Clarke had been singing her last song. They had been so caught up in each other, that they had forgotten everything else around them. They weren't standing on a mountain side, having won a battle. They weren't the leaders of their people. They were just two young women, who had fallen in love and were ready to begin exploring what that meant.

Tomorrow they would put on their leadership roles and lead their people to rebuild and grow stronger, ready to face the next threat. Tonight was about them and them alone.

Clarke tore her mouth from Lexa's, their breaths ragged, foreheads bumping together.  
“Take me to your tent.” Lexa leaned back a little and searched Clarke's eyes, looking for any doubt, finding none. What she found, were darkened eyes and dilated pupils. She was sure her's matched. She nodded and untangled her hands from Clarke's hair, taking her hand and leading her to her tent.

Their pace was brisk and they kept stealing glances at each other. Lexa's thumb began drawing circles in Clarke's palm, making Clarke's breath hitch. They entered the tent, Lexa holding the heavy flap to the side to let Clarke enter first. She then lead her to the back, past another flap, to a large bed, covered in soft furs and cotton blankets. This tent was different than the one they had shared their first kiss in. This one was larger and more imposing. Or would be, if Clarke didn't feel at home here. Something about it just screamed Lexa. It made her feel safe, though she was too preoccupied to figure out exactly why, Lexa was running her hands over her hips, slipping skilled fingers under her shirt.

Clarke's hands ran up Lexa's arms, over her shoulders and into soft hair, mindful enough not to get caught in the braids. Clarke guided Lexa's mouth to hers in an open mouthed kiss, then taking Lexa's bottom lip between her teeth and releasing it with a soft pop. As they continued to intensify their kiss, Lexa's hands sneaked up Clarke's sides, under her shirt, and pulling her closer. She began to pull the shirt up. Clarke slowly raised her arms, after disengaging their lips, to let Lexa pull off her shirt. As soon as her arms were free, she smashed into Lexa, seeking out her lips. Lexa threw the shirt to the side, her hands finding Clarke's skin again. Their pace were both fast and slow, their need building, but their feelings calming them. 

It wasn't a sensation Clarke had ever felt before and she reveled in it. She grabbed the bottom of Lexa's shirt and tugged it up her body in a hurry. Once the garment was off, they both took half a step back, and admired the others naked upper bodies. Clarke's hands found their way back, to hold onto Lexa's hips, while Lexa's hands fluttered up Clarke's arms, over her shoulders, to land with her palms against Clarke's chest. She slowly dragged her hands down, her palms meeting Clarke's nipples, as the hands continued downwards to cup her breasts. Clarke closed her eyes and moaned lowly at the sensation, her nipples hardening.

Their lips met again, they both craved the soft contact, as hands began to explore skin. Though their want for each other was building, they took their time to revel in each other, letting lips, tongues and teeth tease, nip and tuck at lips, jaws and neck. It was a slow dance, hands and fingers exploring naked skin, slowly removing the rest of their clothes.

Clarke's fingers stroked every scar they found on Lexa's body. Lexa was toned, her muscles rippled under her, surprisingly, smooth skin. That such a small, soft body could hold so much destruction. Clarke was in complete awe and very turned on, she had witnessed Lexa fight earlier. It had been a bit of a shock to watch Lexa so seamlessly move through enemies, cutting them down, one by one, with her sword and yelling instructions to her warriors, at the same time. Clarke had thought she would find the act repulsive, but this was war, and on Lexa it looked good. Clarke hadn't been that turned on in a while, and now, that she remembered watching Lexa kick ass, the feeling came flooding back.

Her hands got more aggressive, her bite got fiercer, and moans got louder. Clarke was ready to have all of Lexa, and for Lexa to have all of her. This was a person she felt completely at ease with, who got her, who understood the pressure she was under. This was a person who opened up to her and who trusted her, after having been so closed off the such a long time. 

Clarke felt her heart flutter, she tore her mouth from Lexa's, needing to catch her breath. Lexa, her own breath coming in puffs, looked at Clarke with concern.  
“Are you ok?” Came a soft whisper. Clarke looked up into Lexa's concerned eyes and broke out into a wide smile, her eyes misting over.  
I'm just.. I just need.. Can you just touch me? Please.. I just need to feel you close.” Clarke's voice was laced with want, the husk in her tone and the pleading look on her face made Lexa's arms wrap around Clarke, drawing her as close as possible. Clarke returned the fierce hug and buried her face in the crook of Lexa's neck, savoring her scent. It was earthy, mixed with the musk of her battle sweat. It wasn't an unpleasant scent.

“I will do as you ask, Sky Princess, for you have managed to capture and awaken my dead heart... I had sworn to never let anyone in again, not after...” Lexa's soft voice faltered, but Clarke knows she means after what happened to Costia. Clarke tightens her arms, which are wrapped around Lexa's waist.  
“I had never thought I could feel again. I had sworn to be the Commander my people needed, and to never put anyone in the position to be used against me like that, to get hurt like that, ever again.” Lexa's arms were wrapped around Clarke's shoulders, and while she spoke, so openly and so softly, one of Lexa's hands made it into Clarke's hair started to run through it, playing with it absentmindedly.  
“But then you came along, you and your Sky People.” They both chuckled softly at Lexa's mocking tone at that last bit.  
“You came along, with your emotions and your needs and your inner fire, and you saw right through me.” She leaned back, Clarke doing the same, and their eyes met again.

Lexa's eyes were brimming with tears, threatening to overflow and run down her cheeks. Clarke fared no better. Clarke had been stressed out ever since she found out The Ark's life support systems were failing, and then even more so since she had been sent to the ground and forced to survive one hard ordeal after another. From what she had learned of Grounder culture and from what Lexa had told her, Clarke figured Lexa's life had been anything but easy. They truly were kindred spirits. Though they came from such different cultures, they understood each other. They understood how hard it was for them to trust, to feel, to let go.

“I thought I loved Finn, I really thought I did... But it was more of an infatuation born out of the need to feel something, other than panic at how we would survive down here, on the ground. I did have feelings for him, but I wasn't in love with him. I know that now. I had feelings for him, and what I had to do to him nearly killed me.” At that, Lexa broke eye contact and turned her face downwards, not being able to keep looking into Clarke's open and honest eyes. Clarke ducked her head, trying to get Lexa to look at her.  
“Hey.” She softly whispered. Lexa lifted her face and met Clarke's eyes again.  
“I know it had to be done. I now know that the other clan leaders, that Indra, wouldn't have allowed you to spare his life. They would have killed you, and the alliance between your people would have been broken and war would have broken out. The other clans would have over run Camp Jaha and killed us all... We didn't know each other then.” Clarke offers a small smile to Lexa, Lexa returning it, though it doesn't quiet reach her eyes, guild lurking there instead.

“I'm sorry you had to go through that.” Lexa's eyes were honest and her voice low and steady. They both know that Lexa had no choice but to have the 18 villagers death's avenged. That's not what Lexa was sorry for. Lexa is sorry for the act that will follow Clarke till the day she dies. Though, it was a mercy kill, Clarke still took the life of the boy she had strong feelings for. Lexa greatly respected Clarke for doing that. She had seen Clarke steel her features after begging for Lexa to stop the punishment. She had seen how broken Clarke had been, and had witnessed Clarke pull back her emotions and done what had to be done. Lexa had seen a true leader in Clarke, had seen how she got through the ordeal and landed on the other side. 

“I know.” Came Clarke's sad answer. “And I forgive you.. It has been so hard to do, but if I don't forgive you, I will never forgive myself. I understand what you had to do, what I needed to do. And one day I will forgive myself and put it behind me, I just need time.” She leaned forward, putting her forehead against Lexa's.  
“I forgive you.” A small sob escaped her and Lexa tightened her arms, cradling Clarke's head in her hand, Clarke burring her head in the crook of Lexa's neck again. It was a healing embrace. Their words had been hard to say, had been hard to hear. But they had needed this. They needed to have this closure before they could move forward, as allies, as friends, as lovers.

They stood naked in front of each other, in their tight embrace, bared their souls and got closure for their past. They trusted the other to catch them and guard their feelings, to keep them safe. And even though they hadn't known each other for long, they had immediately been drawn to each other, and feelings had pushed behind their defenses.

They stood and held each other for a long time, neither feeling the desire to move from the comforting embrace and ruin the spell that had been cast over them. They were content in just standing there, taking in each others scent while fingers glided through hair and over skin.

After a while fingers grew bolder, touches got stronger and lips sought out skin. Their desire returned, after emotions had put them on hold, and Clarke moved her lips slowly up Lexa's neck to her jaw, kissing along the way. She gently bit down on Lexa's pulse point, earning a moan. Lexa's long fingers, which were tangled in Clarke's hair, began massaging her scalp and tucking Clarke closer, her breath catching at the feel of Clarke's teeth on her sensitive skin. It had been a while since Lexa had let anyone touch her like this. She had forgotten how good it felt to have another body pressed against her own. She had missed this. 

Lexa began to slowly back up, pulling Clarke with her, till she reached the edge of her bed. She sat down, Clarke following, never breaking contact between her lips and Lexa's skin, and slowly crawled backwards. She laid down and Clarke crawled over her, her knees on either side of Lexa's hips. Clarke was sitting on Lexa's thighs and she took both of her hands in her own, their fingers ever moving, playing with each other, as they shared an intense stare. Clarke's skin was flushed, as was Lexa's cheeks. They could each feel the heat from between the other's legs. Clarke let go of Lexa's hands, and trailed her fingers over the many scars that marred Lexa's skin. She moved her hands to Lexa's breasts, gently rolling the nipples between her fingers, reveling in the soft moans emitting from beneath her. 

Lexa ran her hands up and down Clarke's thighs, feeling the softness of the skin and the muscles that lied beneath. She truly was amazed by Clarke, never having met a woman as complex and caring as her. Never met anyone who truly understood what it meant to lead, not anyone she could share the burdens with. And this woman, who had fallen from the sky, was here, touching her.

Clarke, after having spend some time teasing Lexa's nipples, grabbed her hands, intertwined their fingers and slowly moved them above Lexa's head. She, gently, put her weight on them as she leaned forward to capture Lexa's lips in a souls searing kiss. They both moaned, Lexa's hips jerked upwards as Clarke grinded down. Though, due to their positions, neither received any relief where they needed it. 

Clarke put her weight on her left elbow, their hands still intertwined, and shifted so her right knee pushed between Lexa's legs. When her thigh came into contact with Lexa's wetness, both of them moaned. Lexa, because she was finally touched where she desperately needed it, and Clarke, because she had made Lexa this wet. Their tongues continued their dance and Clarke put more weight on her thigh and began to slowly grind into Lexa. Lexa lifted her left thigh, so it came into contact with Clarke, and she was met with equal wetness. Clarke immediately began to grind down on the strong thigh, while she took Lexa's lower lip between her lips and teeth, slowly biting down and releasing it again.

Their lips and tongues continued their slow dance, thighs and hips their grinding and hands began to slide over skin, finding breasts and curves and scars and ticklish spots. Smiles and laughs were shared between kisses, as were moans and groans. Clarke laid her whole body along side Lexa's, keeping her thigh firmly against Lexa's core.

Lexa was content in having Clarke control their pace, she just reveled in having her so close, at having someone else take the rains. She also knew that Clarke needed this, to actually have the control. So it worked out fine between them.

Their grinding picked up speed and more force was being put behind the jerks of their hips. Clarke's lips left Lexa's and she looked her in the eyes as she took her right hand off Lexa's breast, put her fore- and middle finger in her mouth and lathered them with spit. She then eased her thigh off Lexa's core, Lexa being too caught up in Clarke's authoritative sexiness to object the loss of contact. She followed Clarke's fingers with her eyes, snapping them shut at the gentle contact they made with her clit. She moaned, canting her hips up to get Clarke to move her fingers more.

Clarke's fingers moved through the wetness, till she was at her entrance. She slowly pushed her middle finger in, between her spit and Lexa's want, it glided in without any trouble. Lexa's walls were slick and scourging warm, and Clarke never wanted to leave. She pulled out, slowly, till her first knuckle and pushed in again. She repeated the motion, driving Lexa crazy, but in an ohh so good way. She pulled out, Lexa giving a groan of disapproval, she positioned both her middle- and fore finger at her entrance, and slowly pushed in again. It was a tight fit and she was being careful not to hurt Lexa. She captured her lips, needing the reassurance the contact gave. When her fingers were all the way inside Lexa, she paused, giving Lexa a moment to get used to the feeling of Clarke's fingers filling her up.

A moment went by, Lexa canted her hips and squeezed the hand still clasped in hers, indicating to Clarke she was ready for her to move her fingers. Clarke curled them, searching for that sponge-y spot that would make Lexa's toes curl. It took a couple of pulls and pushes, in and out, but when she found it, Lexa moaned loudly. 

Clarke couldn't keep the smirk off her face, the feeling of pleasuring another, while having that body under yours, was a feeling she would find to love immensely. There was such a power in worshiping another body and knowing that your skills brought them pleasure. It was a rush she hadn't felt before, but one she reveled in.

There was no need for them to verbally communicate, they were such in sync that they could feel what the other needed, even through their desire driven fog. They had created a bubble only they existed in, the rest of the world and their problems and their people had faded away, and there were only Clarke and Lexa left.

Lexa, needing to do something to give back some of the pleasure Clarke was bringing her, lifted and tensed her thigh even more. This earned her a groan from Clarke, as she began to grind harder against it. Lexa's free hand were tangled in Clarke's hair, keeping her lips against hers. Their joined hands, though sweaty, refused to let go of each other, they needed a tether to keep from floating away.

Clarke could feel she was getting closer to release, her hips grinding harder against Lexa's toned thigh. She shifted a bit, the new position making her able to put her thumb against Lexa's clit, rubbing it slowly, as her fingers continued their slow push and pull. Lexa's hips jerking at the contact, her grip in Clarke's hair tightened. She could feel herself getting closer, the heat was spreading from her core, up through her stomach and into her chest.

Neither of them paid any attention to how much time had lapsed, they just enjoyed the feeling of having the other close to them. They enjoyed in the pleasure that were building between them. Their movements were unhurried, their lips ever moving, their tongues tasting salty skin and savoring how the other tasted, a light hint of whiskey could be detected, though their buzz had long worn off.

It was Clarke who came first, her orgasm took them both by surprise. Her hips jerked hard against Lexa's thigh, and her fingers still while pleasure overtook her. She moaned loudly into Lexa's mouth while her body kept jerking against Lexa's. Lexa's free hand kept running up and down Clarke's back, her fingers light and reassuring, as Clarke came down from her high.

A few moments went by, Clarke's forehead against Lexa's, their lips touching, open mouthed, as Clarke fought to regain her breath. She slowly kept grinding her hips, riding out her orgasm and not wanting the feeling to stop. She came back to herself and proceeded to steal Lexa's breath with a passionate kiss. She renewed her movements, her curled fingers pulling out of Lexa, only to push in again. She put more pressure on Lexa's clit, wanting Lexa to feel what she was feeling.

It didn't take long for Lexa to fall over the edge, her breath caught, her body stiffened, back arching, nearly knocking Clarke off her, Clarke not being prepared. Lexa held that position for a few seconds, then her body collapsed and she gave a long, satisfied moan.

Clarke, her fingers still inside Lexa, looked down at her with wonder. This, Lexa's flushed skin, eyes shut tight, mouth open, chest heaving, was the most amazing view she had ever seen.

Lexa opened her eyes and met Clarke's intense gaze. She smiled widely, and brought her down for a gentle kiss. As their lips slowly glided against each other, Clarke slowly withdrew her fingers from Lexa, Lexa giving a soft moan at the loss of being filled. Clarke broke the kiss and lifted her fingers to her mouth. She wanted to know how Lexa tasted. She slowly licked her fingers clean, eyes closing as she hummed at the musky taste. Lexa brought Clarke down for another kiss, wanting to know how she tasted on Clarke's tongue. They both softly moaned at the intimate contact, Lexa's free hand back to gripping Clarke's hair, Clarke's hand was running up and down Lexa's side, their legs still intertwined.

Clarke slumped down, lying half on top of Lexa, unable to hold herself up anymore. Lexa started to run her fingers over Clarke's back, hearing a low satisfied hum.  
“That was...” Clarke mumbled, not being able to find the right words to describe all the feelings, swirling inside of her.  
“Yeah.” Lexa agreed, kissing the top of Clarke's head and squeezing her in a gently hug. 

After a while, Clarke felt a shiver running through her, only just now noticing the night's chill, that had seeped into the tent. Lexa, without breaking their intimate hug, maneuvered them under a blanket, sighing into the warmth they created.

She had started to nod off, when she heard Clarke's whisper.  
“I'm not really sure what's going to happen now, with our people, I mean, other than try to live together. I know that you're the Commander, and that the Sky People look to me, and that we have certain responsibilities, where we have to have this mask on...” Lexa didn't say anything, she could sense that Clarke wasn't done.  
“But I like this, us, here, like this. I like having you under me. I like being able to touch you. I like your smile.” Lexa smiled at that and she could feel Clarke's smile against her breast. She hugged Clarke closer to her, needing the reassurance. Clarke continued her whispered confession.  
“I'm not saying we should hide this, us, but I like having something that's just.. mine.. And not something I have to share with others or have to defend or anything. Could we do that?” She raised her head and looked into Lexa's unguarded eyes. “Can we have something that's just us, just for a little while?” Lexa saw the vulnerable look on Clarke, saw how much her own wants was mirrored in Clarke.

Lexa raised her hands and gently cupped Clarke's face, her thumbs brushing over her cheeks and lips, before pulling her into a soft kiss.  
“There's nothing more I'd rather want, my Queen.” Lexa's eyes twinkled when she said that and Clarke chuckled. Lexa let go of her face, and she put it back on Lexa's chest as she snuggled into her again. 

Not many minutes went by before The Commander and The Sky Princess was fast asleep, never before being this content.


	2. Auther's Note

I am sorry that this is just an author's note and not a chapter. I will, however, tell you that I am continuing this story.

Due to, among other things, untreated ADHD and chronic pains, I have been unable to focus enough to write, years ago I wrote a couple of fanfics, but haven't been able to write for years! But Now I'm on ADHD medication and my pains are not as severe, and I have found my muse again. This story excites me, I am so happy to be writing again.

I have no goal or plot lines lined up in this story, I am simply writing where the wind takes me. I do have a few 'scenes' that I want to incorporate during this. I also have no idea how long this story will be.

Feel free to give me prompts that you would like to see and think might fit into the story, and I will see what my muse brings me. Though I will not guarantee that I will use your ideas, it will have to fit with the characters, the story, my writing style and my muse.

Even though I'm on medication, I still have a hard time focussing. My Beta is, also, a busy lady, but I will do my best to try and get a chapter out every week. I have already started the next chapter, and it will be out Sunday night/Monday morning (Danish time) at the latest.

I will tag more characters, if they have a 'substantial' role, when they appear in the story.

And, lastly, THANK YOU to your so very kind and super encouraging comments. Hugs all around :)

-Spikey


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2.  
> I am really not a fan of Finn, I think he's a total douche, but this story isn't about Finn bashing. It's a story about how the characters move on with their lives.  
> I will also disregard anything post 214, and also anything to do with The City of Light and Jaha's journey, I can't stand him.

Clarke was woken by Lexa snuggling into her side, softly mumbling incoherent words, before settling into slumber again. She shifted her eyes around, taking in her surroundings, before landing on Lexa's tangled dark hair, she couldn't see her face. They had changed positions during the night, so now Clarke was holding Lexa, Lexa's right arm gripping Clarke's waist. The feeling of having Lexa so close to her without anything separating them, send warmth throughout her body, and she lightly tightened her arms, drawing Lexa closer to her and taking in her intoxicating scent. Though, she noticed with a small smile, they could both use a bath.

She had fallen fast and she had fallen hard. 

Clarke had truly believed that she had been in love with Finn, she hadn't felt as strongly for anyone before she met him. She had flirted with a couple of guys and had had a short relationship with a girl on the Ark, but it had ended due to Clarke not really feeling it, just liking the closeness it brought. With Finn it had been different, she had thought so at least. She had been attracted to him and wanted to be close to him, to get to know him. 

Tears formed in her eyes and she let a couple escape, letting them trickle down into her hair. How wrong it had all ended up going. Clarke was a logical thinker, at least she thought so, but she was also human with human emotions and feelings. She had been brought up with the limited rations system and harsh, but necessary, laws on the Ark. She understood the need for hard decisions for the sake of survival. She often didn't agree with them, but there had been no other way. She understood why she and The Hundred had been sent down to Earth. Her logical side understood. Her emotional side still had strong feelings of betrayal, of abandonment, of resentment. She had forgiven, but not forgotten.

She had been on the ground for about a month, and so so much had happened. Clarke took a shuddering deep breath, closed her eyes and slowly let the air out of her nose. She repeated the motion, trying to reign in her swirling thoughts and dark emotions, not fully ready to deal with all of it yet and not wanting to ruin the good feelings within her. 

She took a final deep breath, locking away what she would deal with with some time and distance, and tried to gauge what time it was. She listened to the camp, but not hearing much and coupled with it not being completely light, she guessed it was still pretty early. Her and Lexa had gotten, to Clarke's estimation, around four hours of sleep. It wasn't a lot, but Clarke could feel it would be pointless to try and fall asleep again, her head swirling with too many things for sleep to happen. She could also feel her body waking up, images of the previous night flooding her mind.

What an experience that had been, to be with another person in such a way. With Finn it had been about the end game, about the climax. It had been hard and fast. It had been about just feeling anything else than dread and panic about how to survive. But with Lexa it had been different. With Lexa it had been slow. It had been about just feeling the other person close to you. It had been about emotions, about being open and able to let your guard down and let go. It had been about intimacy. It had been about feelings. Deep feelings, neither was ready to vocalize, but knew the other was feeling. 

As Clarke's mind had run amok, her left hand had begun to lightly trace patterns up and down Lexa's back. As Clarke came back to the now she lifted her right arm, needing to see Lexa's beautiful face and she brushed away the tangled mane obscuring her view. Clarke was astounded that Lexa hadn't woken up yet, a warrior must always be vigilant. It must mean that Lexa was feeling truly at ease, trusting Clarke with her life. The realization made Clarke's breath catch. Lexa put her trust in Clarke, and now Clarke had to live up to that. It scared the shit out of her, but also exhilarated her at the same time. She felt butterflies in her stomach. She wanted this.

Clarke still had to mourn the people she had lost, especially Finn. But there was no denying her strong feelings for Lexa. In Lexa, Clarke saw an equal, someone to learn from, but also someone she could teach things. She saw a confidant, someone she could lower her defenses with and be herself. This amazing person, who had spent so long locking away her emotions, afraid to be hurt and have her logic compromised, afraid to fail her People. This person understood what Clarke was going through, truly understood what it meant to be seen as and counted on to be The Leader. Clarke had been at this for only a month, Lexa had been the Commander for years, had been trained since she was a child. Clarke was in awe of Lexa. In awe that, even though she had lost the woman she loved to such a horrible fate, had to command armies and lost so many of her people, she was still able to open up to her. Clarke was truly amazed, and it gave her hope. Hope that she could come out on the other side of all she had done in the name of survival.

Clarke brushed aside Lexa's hair, seeing her face. She looked so content, so young. Her mouth was slightly open, her brows slowly knitting together as Clarke's fingers slightly traced the contures of her face. Lexa gave her head a small jerk and a soft mumble escaped her mouth. She didn't pull away, but Clarke could tell she was slowly waking up. Clarke's hand cupped her face and her thumb traced her cheek. Clarke's other hand continued to trace patterns on Lexa's back. It took a few seconds, which to Clarke felt like hours, she was so lost in the feeling, but eventually Lexa opened her eyes, meeting Clarke's. Lexa blinked a couple of times, shaking sleep from her being, stretched and curled into Clarke again with an almost unintelligible “No.” as she pulled the blanket over her head.

This made Clarke chuckle, who knew that Lexa was such an adorable cuddler in the morning. Clarke tightened her hold on Lexa.  
“Good morning.” Clarke's voice was low and raspy, but cheerful. She heard more unintelligible noises coming from Lexa, under the blanket.  
“What was that?” She chuckled out in question. Lexa huffed, the breath tickling Clarke's side, and lifted her head free of the blanket and stared at Clarke with a steely gaze. Well, it would have been steely if Clarke didn't find Lexa incredible adorable in this moment.  
“I said:” Came in a gravely voice. “Why, on earth, are you awake at this horrendous hour, and feel the need to disturb me from my slumber?” Lexa had meant for the words to be stern, she was very much not a morning person and very much disliked being woken up. Her people knew to keep a wide birth before she had had a chance to eat and proper wake up.

Clarke's answer came in the form of a wide smile as she grabbed Lexa's face and pulled her down into a slow and passionate kiss. Lexa quickly forgot why she was disgruntled, and opened her mouth to let their lips and tongues slide against each other in a slow dance. She shifted so her weight was on her left elbow and she was lying half on top, a leg between Clarke's. She brought her right hand up and slid it into Clarke's hair, grabbing hold. They were both emitting low moans and grunts as their passion slowly build.

A loud noise, someone dropped metal on metal not too far from Lexa's tent, tore them out of their bubble and had them both freeze in place. A few seconds went by, both taking deep breaths to get their bearing. Lexa looked up, into Clarke's eyes. She leaned down and placed a gentle long kiss on Clarke's lips. As she made to pull away, Clarke followed, not wanting to part from Lexa's soft lips. Minutes went by, the two getting lost in their kisses and tight embrace. Their passion had turned into warmth and the need to feel the other close, this was not about sex but about intimacy. 

Lexa rolled backwards, pulling Clarke with her, needing to feel her weight on top of her. Even with Costia, she had always been in control. Lexa was the Commander, always in charge, always calling the shots. She hadn't know that she needed this, needed someone else to take the reigns. Lexa could tell that Clarke needed to feel in control of something, even if it was just this. Especially if it was just this. And she was showing her that she needed Clarke to take the control with them, that it was ok and that she needed it too. 

The action was not lost on Clarke, she was getting pretty good at reading Lexa. Clarke broke the kiss and cupped Lexa's cheek in her palm, forcing her to open her eyes. Lexa's heart was pounding, never before had she been this open, this unguarded, this vulnerable. She was putting her tender heart, her trust, into Clarke's hands, hoping Clarke would keep it safe. Hesitant and vulnerable green eyes opened and met soft and reassuring blue. Clarke understood Lexa's need, feeling her own needs being met. As they stared deeply into each other's eyes, they both felt it. It was too soon to say the words, but they felt it in the other. Still not breaking eye contact, Clarke raised her right hand and placed her palm over Lexa's heart, a gesture to say I feel you. I will protect you. I will be here for as long as you want me. 

It was a powerful moment, unlike anything either of them had ever felt before. Clarke, taking her hand off of Lexa's chest but not braking eye contact, straddled Lexa's hips, a knee on either side, and pulled her up into a sitting position. She draped her arms around her neck and pulled her into a tight embrace, needing to feel her close. Lexa threw her arms around Clarke's torso, hugged her tightly, closed her eyes and buried her head in the crook of Clarke's neck, breathing in her musky scent.

To Lexa, this felt like home, a feeling she hadn't felt in a long time. She savored it, knowing it couldn't last, they had a lot of work to do and should get out of bed and get started.

Clarke, even though she had conflicting feelings and thoughts swirling within her, felt happy in this moment. Her feelings for Lexa, no matter the short time they had known each other, was getting deeper and deeper. They had a bond not many would understand, probably not anyone not in a leader position with a lot of responsibilities. They understood each other and what their people demanded of them. That, combined with their feelings, and the adrenalin and experiences from fighting side by side for their lives, made for the strongest of bonds.

As they sat in their embrace, just taking each other in, they could hear sounds of the camp slowly coming to life. Clarke sighed and pulled away from Lexa, catching her eyes.  
“Hey.” She whispered with a smile. Lexa, for a short second, tried to put on her Commander face, to be all stoic, but quickly gave up the fight. The wide smile fighting through it and plastered itself on her face.  
“Good morning, Clarke.” Lexa reciprocated the greeting, her voice husky and her eyes twinkling. The smile would not leave her face.  
“Ohh, so now you're all smiley and cheery, Miss Grumpy-pants.” Clarke chuckled, poking Lexa in the side. Lexa squirmed away from the prodding fingers before she caught them and laced their fingers together.  
“Yes, now that I'm proper awake. You need to understand, Clarke, I do not much care for early mornings. I often have war councils that run late into the night. Many have things to discuss with me, not only of war, but also of harvest and hunting, of trading and disputes. I must see to all of my people.” Lexa's tone was light but still serious. Clarke nodded, leaned forward to place a lingering chaste kiss and pulled back again.

She hopped off of Lexa, and the bed, stretching out her hand to pull Lexa with her.  
“Soo, ermm... I could use a wash and some clean clothes. I have no idea where my thing ended up.” Clarke said as she, first, looked down herself and then around the tent, waving her hands around her and then shrugged, letting her arms hang down her body. Lexa's eyes followed Clarke's, taking in Clarke's magnificent body. She had seen it last night, but had been more occupied with touching and then the close intimacy of their embrace. As she raked her eyes over the pale skin, lingering at soft breasts and the patch of hair between Clarke's legs, images from the few hours before popped into her head. Lexa's breath came slightly faster, as memories, and thoughts of what she wanted to happen, flooded her mind.

“Lexa!” Clarke's amused voice penetrated the haze that had overtaken Lexa.  
“Yeah.. Yes? What?” Lexa drew her eyes up to meet Clarke's, and her cheeks tinged pink. She was not embarrassed to be caught leering, Clarke's body was a marvel, she was embarrassed that she, apparently, hadn't heard Clarke speak, too caught up in the moment.  
“Not that I don't enjoy you looking at me like that, because I really do, but if we don't get some clothes on and get out of here, we will not leave this tent today.” Clarke said with a chuckle, though her pupils were dilated and her breath slightly labored, her own eyes were taking in Lexa's lanky, muscled and scarred body. How she wanted it under her again, to be inside her warm wetness again. 

She shook her head to clear it and noticed Lexa closing her eyes and taking a deep, settling breath.  
“You are right, Clarke, we should get out of here. I will find a bassinet and some clothes for you.” With that, she turned and walked to the other end of the tent. Clarke turned half to the side, determined not to look at Lexa's naked body, moving around, tempting her.

Lexa returned with the necessary things, and they stood, side by side, and washed the worst of the grime from their bodies and got dressed. A comfortable silence had settled over them, they didn't need to speak. They enjoyed the private moment of just being near each other, before they had to put their game faces on and get out and deal with their people. 

As Clarke was donning her blue jacket, and shoulder armor, Lexa came to stand before her. She had a sheath, with a knife in it, and indicated she wanted to fasten it to Clarke's hip, opposite the one where Clarke's gun was holstered. At Clarke's inquisitive eyes, she spoke.  
“I want you to have this. To not only be reliant on your gun. It would... I would like for you to be safe.” Lexa had finished tying on the sheath, and was looking into Clarke's eyes at her admission. Clarke could see the worry in her eyes, could see that it had taken a lot of courage for Lexa to speak the words, and not just hide behind her walls with a spiteful comment about Sky weapons. She had been on the receiving end of a couple of comments like that from the stoic Commander.

A fond smile spread on Clarke's lips, as she lifted her hands, took hold of Lexa, and drew her into a tender hug.  
“Thank you.” She whispered into Lexa's ear, as she buried her head in the crook of her neck. Lexa lifted her arms and drew Clarke tighter against her, needing to draw strength from her. Lexa's emotions, so carefully guarded and repressed for so long, were flowing wild inside of her, Clarke having unlocked the chest she had buried them in. It was freeing, but also terrifying.

Lexa had loved Costia with all her heart. They had met when they were younger and had slowly developed from friends to lovers. They had acted foolish and been too open with their affections. Everybody knew what Costia had meant to her, how much they had loved each other. Lexa had been newly appointed as Commander and had thought she was on top of the world, with her large army to command and the woman she loved by her side. She had been so young and foolish, arrogant, believing nothing could hurt her. How wrong she had been. Costia's death had taught her many things, but foremost it had taught her to not let love consume her. She had risked her People for revenge, had lost many warriors in the war against the Ice Nation. She had vowed to never make the same mistake again, to never open herself up to that kind of hurt.

She had learned, over the short time she had known Clarke, that you can't control your feelings. Not completely. She had tried, had fought what Clarke made her feel, but it was useless. Clarke had plowed right through her defenses and taken up residence, refusing to move. And now she didn't want her too. She knew she loved Clarke, but she was older and wiser now, and would not perverse that love by letting it consume her. She knew Clarke understood, she herself was a leader, and good leaders simply can't just do what they want when they want. Clarke knew the responsibilities Lexa had, she had them too. They were equals. For now, at least, she was fine with sharing her feelings with Clarke in private and keep a professional mask on when they were out among their people. It was what they both wanted, what they both needed right now. When they had gotten to know each other more and had more stability, both with each other, but also for their people, they could revisit their plan for keeping them strictly between the two of them.

The embrace lasted for a few short minutes, each using the closeness to confirm they both wanted this, wanted them, but also to reign in their emotions and slowly put their game face on. They drew apart, looking into each other's eyes. Lexa, her Commander face in place, gave a short nod to Clarke, as if asking Are you ready? Clarke returned the nod and they strode out of Lexa's tent with purpose.

They took a few steps outside, taking in the camp. They could only see a few people up and moving around, getting ready for the day. They shared a final look and a short nod, and then they separated and went in different directions.

Lexa went in search of hunters, their supplies needed replenishing after the battle and the subsequent feast.

Clarke went inside Mount Weather, to the medical bay. She wanted to see if she was needed. She also wanted to know how Bellamy, Indra and the rest of her injured friends, were doing.

About an hour later, Abby came in to check on the wounded, thinking she would not see Clarke for another couple of hours. As she rounded the corner, she caught sight of her daughter. She was changing the bandages on one of the Grounder's legs, she had been burned by a small explosion during the fight. So much for giving Clarke, and Lexa, some time for themselves.

Abby observed Clarke move around and caring for the wounded. She could see a lightness to her, that she hadn't seen since before she had had her husband arrested. The guild and sorrow still palpable. Also loosing Marcus, who had become a good friend, had taken it's toll on Abby, but she wasn't yet ready to deal with the loss. Abby let her presence be known, shared a smile with Clarke, and got to work.

Throughout the day she noticed, really noticed, how assured Clarke was. Clarke's presence was commanding, yet subtle. She had a way of getting things done and get people to listen to her, without being loud or bullying people. Both the Ark people, especially those that survived of The Hundred, and most of the Grounders, listened to her. It was a feat that not even Abby had. 

At first, when she had landed on Earth, Abby had still seen the young people as kids, as someone to be protected and looked after. But they had survived weeks on the ground and a viscous battle, without the adults. They had quickly learned how to use the ground to their advantage and known how to deal with the Grounders, especially Clarke, and the 'grownups' had come in and wanted to control things they had no knowledge of. But they had been so sure that they knew best. Abby had been so sure that she knew how to best protect her daughter and her people. She had been wrong, they all had. They could learn a lot from the kids, the young adults. It wasn't easy to admit that your child no longer needed you the way they had before. Clarke, and the rest of them, had been through some horrible things, had done some horrible things, but they were alive and, relatively, unharmed. They would get through this ordeal and, together with the Grounders, would build a life here and heal their scars.

When it became lunchtime, Abby went to get food and squeezed Raven's shoulder, as she sat beside her at one of the fires. Raven looked at Abby and smiled, lifting a hand to gently squeeze the one holding on the her shoulder. Their friendship, which had started on the Ark, when they repaired the pod, and had faltered slightly when Abby had landed on the ground. But they were rebuilding it.  
“How's the leg?” Abby asked, knowing Raven's brace had been damaged in the fight.  
“It was nothing that couldn't be fixed in a hot minute.” Raven's sure voice, laced with mirth, answered. Abby chuckled and started to eat. The two fell into a comfortable silence as they ate and observed the people around them.

Abby noticed Clarke and Lexa at another fire, they were sitting with a couple of the other Grounder Generals and Nyko. Lexa was discussing something, she couldn't hear what, with the Generals, and Clarke was talking with Nyko. Lexa and Clarke was sitting side by side, bodies pointed in opposite directions, but their knees were touching. Abby had a chance to observe Lexa, who was without her war paint. Lexa had a quiet authority about her, her mere glance could silence even the most hardened warrior. She was a formidable fighter, Abby had seen her in action, it was quite fearsome. The sight of Lexa in her coat and body armor, black war paint, and blood dripping from her sword and face, yelling orders as she took down enemy after enemy. She had caught her eyes, briefly, during the fight, and had seen nothing but death. The memory send chills down her back.

“You alright?” She heard Raven ask.  
“Yeah.” She turned her head and locked eyes with Raven. “I just didn't get that much sleep and the wind just hit at a different angle.” Abby smiled reassuringly, holding eye contact a moment longer, before refocusing on her food.  
“If you say so.” Raven muttered with a smile, as she nudged Abby's shoulder with her own, before she, too, had focus on the food in her hands.

Abby went back to observe Lexa. If she hadn't seen how Lexa had looked at Clarke the night before, she would be worried for her daughter. The image of Lexa, with her hard eyes and blood running down her face, was something she wanted to keep her daughter away from. She was still Clarke's mother, and she wanted to protect her and keep her safe. She didn't want her around blood and violence and death, and she knew that that was things the followed the Commander. Lexa had people who looked up to her, who respected her and who counted on Lexa's skills as a leader to keep them safe. That was a huge responsibility for such a young woman. Abby knew that Grounder culture was different from hers, that teenagers were seen as adults much earlier than on the Ark. She had overheard, during the night's festivities, a Grounder tell one of her people, that Lexa had been called to be the Commander when she was merely fifteen, and had now been Commander for about five years.

What a hard and lonely life that must have been, Abby thought. She then thought of how young Lexa had looked the night before, when Abby left them, staring at Clarke with such adoration. Even as she watch the young woman now, she could almost feel the bond between Lexa and her daughter. Clarke's conversation with Nyko had become quite animated, Clarke trying to explain something, gesticulating wildly with her hands. Lexa had her own muted discussion going on, but there was never a moment where her knee failed to follow Clarke's, never letting that small touch be separated. It warmed Abby's heart that her daughter had seemed to find someone she could share her heavy burdens with, someone who understood her. It still terrified her, seeing Clarke this grown up, but she had realized, with help from Raven and Marcus, that she needed to stop treading her like a child and let go of her, so they could build a stronger relationship. And she was willing to do that, no matter how hard it was.

Having been lost in her musings, Abby hadn't taken her eyes off of Lexa. In the end, Lexa noticed and caught her. Abby quickly lowered her eyes, her cheeks tinging red at being caught staring. She took a deep breath and looked up again, getting eye contact with Lexa. Lexa's brows were slightly furrowed, but nothing else was giving her away.

They held eye contact a bit longer, then Abby moved her eyes to Clarke then their knees and then back to Lexa's eyes. Abby gave Lexa a small smile and a nod, then looked away, getting ready to go back to work on the wounded. Lexa was stunned, though she gave no indication, to anyone watching her, that something huge had happened. Clarke's mother knew about her and Clarke and had given her her blessing. Lexa's chest filled with warmth, and she fought the smile that wanted to appear on her face. She was the Commander, she couldn't sit around and smile for no apparent reason.

As Abby stood up, she heard Raven's voice.  
“Alright, give us a hand here, some of us are an invalid and need special care.” Abby gave a short laugh, hearing the mirth in Raven's voice.  
“You are no more an invalid than Lincoln is a fragile, dainty Princess.” Her retort was met with Raven's wonderful laughter, that brought a wide smile to her face. Abby had admired Raven's spunk since she had first met her. The youngest Zero-G Mechanic in fifty, no, fifty-two years, but who was counting, had a good head on her shoulder and always had a smart remark at the ready.

“Alright, old lady, get back to work.” Abby, reaching her hand out and helping Raven to her feet, couldn't contain her own low laughter. It had been a while since she had laughed, and the guilt came rushing back. But she pushed it to the side, deciding to settle aside heavy thoughts, for now, and enjoy the light moment with Raven. Who knew how long until the next crisis arrived. They also had to hold funerals for their fallen, it would be done the next day.  
“Who're you callin' old, Chancellor?” Raven arched an eyebrow in a challenge, a smirk, barely contained, on her lips.  
“Well, you did say you were an invalid. Make up your mind, woman.”Abby could not help it, and continued the teasing banter, as the two headed for the entrance to Mount Weather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More characters are to be added to this story as they appear, I also have long term goals with some of them.  
> I will try and write a chapter a week, though I make no promises. I really like this story and where it's going, so I won't abandon it.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna wait until tomorrow to post this chapter, but patience has never been my strong suit (thank you ADHD), so you get it a day early :)
> 
> As far as I'm able to stay on my schedule, I will be posting every sunday.

Chapter 3

It had been a long day, and Lexa and Clarke had spend most of it only seeing each other in passing or during lunch. 

Lexa had been dealing with the Grounders, with the different clans, making sure the coalition still held now that the threat of Mount Weather no longer existed. One of the selling points in keeping the clans in line and not go against Lexa, or the Sky People, were that they now had a chance to get the Reapers rehabilitated. She had also sent out hunting parties to replenish the food stocks. Very few Grounders had hunted close to the mountain for decades, they feared ending up as Reapers, so they had belief that game would be plentiful.

Clarke had spend most of the day tending to the wounded, her and Nyko had worked together, learning from each other. They had respect for the other, and could feel a friendship slowly forming between them. Clarke was very much interested in learning what Nyko knew, learning the Grounder healing ways, and to combine them with the what she had learned of medicine on the Ark. Clarke's eagerness to learn and not see her own ways as superior, was what drew Nyko to her, other than her subtle strength as a leader.

It had been a long day, but there were still things to discuss. Such as what to do with those of Mount Weather they hadn't killed during the fight. They were kept locked away on level 5, under guard. A lot of the Grounders wanted to just open the doors and kill them all with radiation, but Clarke and Lexa had managed to calm them down. It had helped that, even though they had lost many warriors, they hadn't lost as many as they had expected, and that many of the surviving Mountain Men were children or adults that had been nowhere near leadership. All leadership and the guards had been killed, so had anyone who had resisted or who had aided in the treatment of the captured Grounders and The Forty-Seven.

The meeting took a long time, Lexa's tent, where the meeting took place, was filled with attendees. Besides Lexa and Clarke, the Generals from the twelve clans were there. So were Abby, Sgt. Miller, Bellamy, his injuries making him unable to stand yet, but he insisted to be there, and Vincent, Maya's father, who wore a containment suit. 

In the end they ended up agreeing that, if people from the Ark were willing to donate bone marrow, that the children and those who had actively helped fight President Wallace and his son, Cage's, regime, would receive treatment and be integrated into life on the outside. The rest would have to be looked at at a case by case trial. It had been a tough sell, the Grounders wanted blood. They had been hunted for decades and used in such vile ways, their anger was understandable. In the end it was Clarke who convinced them. For so many years, they had been hunted and killed, but killing the rest would not bring the dead back or turn the Reapers into men again. Only if they all worked together, could they get past the tragedies, the hurt and the anger, and start living again without fear.

During the meeting, Abby kept an eye on her daughter and Lexa. Other than them standing side by side, they gave no indication that there was anything going on between them. The two had their leadership masks on, ones that Abby was slowly starting to recognize. She had hardly seen them interact during the day, other than at lunch. At first it had confused her. Had it just been a one time thing, an outlet from all the stress leading up the the battle. But she had payed closer attention and noticed, throughout the day, the way Lexa's eyes slightly softened whenever they landed on Clarke, and Clarke had subtly stretched out a finger whenever she had passed Lexa, just strafing her. It was these minute actions, plus her observation during lunch, that settled her mind.

She understood that Lexa was a leader to her people and had certain responsibilities, she had to keep a level head and appear to be untouchable. And, as Abby had come to understand, Clarke was a leader as well, more so then even her. She hadn't been willing to see it before, but the way Clarke had handled herself during the battle and during today, when people approached her with different problems, even during this meeting, Abby could see it now. Clarke was a natural at keeping her cool and lead people.

So Abby understood that Clarke and Lexa would want to, no needed to, keep the two of them private. It was also new, whatever it was that they shared. It could be overwhelming, not knowing exactly how the other felt, how the relationship, if it became one, would play out. And to add their experiences, the last couple of weeks, and their positions as leaders on top of that, Abby didn't envy them.

To enter a romantic relationship, was not something Abby had given any thought too. She still hadn't properly mourned her husband. And since they had sent down the Hundred, there had not been a moments respite. 

The meeting had drawn to an end, and everybody was leaving. Other than Clarke and Lexa, Abby was the last to leave the tent. As she was halfway out, holding the heavy tent flap aside, she turned, wanting to speak to Clarke. She noticed that her daughter and Lexa had not moved, they stood in front of each other, gazing into each other's eyes and their fingertips, on the hands that were on the table, lightly brushed against each other. 

Abby smiled and gave small cough, as she turned back and into the tent. The two women stepped apart, Abby noticed her daughter was slightly blushing and Lexa was steeling her eyes.  
“Clarke, may I speak with you, for just a second?” Abby asked, her voice light and a small smile still graced her lips. Clarke turned her head slightly, her eye's catching Lexa's and they shared a small nod, before Clarke responded.  
“Yeah, sure, mom. Wanna go for a walk?” Abby nodded, and the two walked out of the tent, Abby sending a small smile in Lexa's direction before exiting, Lexa hesitantly returning it.

They walked a bit in silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but it wasn't comfortable either. Even though Abby and Clarke had forgiven each other, they hadn't really talked about the actions that let to where they were now, either. This was, part of, the reason Abby wanted a minute alone with Clarke. She also just wanted to check in with her daughter, hear how she was doing, be a mother.

“You did good, during the meeting, and also with the wounded today.” Abby broke the silence, not really knowing how to say what she wanted to say, but needing to get the conversation started. Clarke looked at her mother, her cheeks warming under the praise. It had been a while since they were on good terms, the last couple of weeks at been ups and downs and all over the place.  
“I.. Thank you. I was just.. Ya know, just doing what needed to be done.” Clarke was still a bit hesitant towards her mother. She also didn't see herself as a leader because she wanted it, she had taken up the position because someone needed to do it. Someone needed to look at the bigger picture and make the hard decisions. She just happened to be able to do it, most of the time, and people listened to her, or she made them listen.

“You did more than that.” Abby pressed. “You are a true leader. No matter how hard it may be, you still do it. It's a really tough position, I know that, but the way you make people listen to you, even if they don't want to.” Abby stopped walking and turned to look Clarke in the eyes at that last bit, wanting to get her meaning across. “I know I haven't been fair to you. I doubted you and thought I knew what was best. I know that I have disappointed you.” Clarke opened her mouth to contradict her. “No, I know I have, Clarke, I really have. I have you hurt you.” Abby swallowed before continuing. “I hurt you and I am so so sorry.” Tears formed in Abby's eyes and Clarke could hear the emotions in her voice. “I never wanted anything to happen to Jake, to your father, I loved him. I loved him so much and he was such a good father to you. I told Jaha because I though he was our friend. I wanted him to talk Jake out of going public, I wanted them to come up with a better alternative, to.. I don't know, something! I never thought he would have him..” Abby's voice hitched and broke on the last words. “Have Jake floated.” Tears were freely falling down her cheeks.

Clarke stood across from her mother, not knowing what to say or do. She hadn't expected Abby to say all those things, to broach the subject of her father's death. Her own tears were threatening to escape her eyes, and she looked around, not wanting to be seen crying by any of the Grounders, or her own people. Luckily, it was late, and only the rare guard was still roaming the camp. Clarke's mind was reeling, trying to form a response, but coming up empty. She had forgiven her mother, but she had still been hurt and felt betrayed by her.

“I miss your father, so much, it still hurts.” Abby continued, having reeled her emotions in a little bit. “I miss seeing his smile and hearing his voice. I never felt more alone or more tired, than when they kept you in isolation after the execution. I missed hearing the two of you laugh or discuss one of your theories or hearing you sing silly songs and dancing around like fools.” Abby had a watery smile on her face, remembering the good times. Clarke, still not quite sure how to react, managed a small, equally watery, smile. “I have always been lucky to have you in my life, Clarke.” Abby took both of Clarke's hands in her own, caressing them with her thumbs. “You have always, always,” She put pressure on the word, looking intently into Clarke's eyes. “made me very proud. I have been such a fool, since coming down to Earth. I doubted your abilities and your knowledge of this place. I still thought of you as my little girl that I needed to protect. I thought that I knew what was best for you, for all of us, and I wasn't ready to look at you as an adult and listen to your guiding. You were my little girl, Clarke. And I couldn't see you as anything other than that.” Abby moved her hands up and cupped Clarke's cheeks, wiping away the tears that were falling.

“I love you, Clarke, so much, and I am very proud of what you have achieved here. “ She let go of Clarke's cheek with one hand and waved it around, indication to the camp, the mountain, before bringing it back. “You did this, you got us to where we are. I know the choices that you have had to make have been so very difficult, but you still made them, because it was needed.” She drew Clarke into her, into a tight embrace.

Clarke, finally reacting, threw her arms around her mother in a bone crushing hug, and lost it, crying into Abby's neck. Clarke had put aside her feelings, bottled them up, having needed to put a distance to them to get her people to safety. Now she finally felt like it was ok to give in to them. Having her mother say all those words was something she didn't know she needed. Having her mother confess missing her father, opened up her own grief. Feelings she had thought she had locked away. Hearing her mother tell her she was proud of her, that she still loved her, even after all the things Clarke had done, loosened some of the stress. Even of she hadn't forgiven herself, especially for what she had done to Finn, even if she still felt so much guilt about TonDC, she had needed to have her mother love her and hold her.

Abby was cradling Clarke's head with one hand, the other was running soothingly up and down her back while she kept kissing the top of her head and whispering again and again “I love you. I forgive you. You're gonna be ok.” into Clarke's ear. She held her daughter close to her as she let her cry. Abby realized something in that moment: Clarke might have grown in to a beautiful and strong, independent woman, but she was still her little girl, she still needed her mom, from time to time. It didn't have to be one or the other, she could give Clarke her space, let her grow and trust her to make her own mistakes, but she could also still be her mom and hold her in her arms.

They stood like that, clinging to each other, for a long time, until after Clarke had calmed down and stopped crying. They stood, in their embrace, and enjoyed being mother and daughter again. They had, truly, forgiven each other, and now had a clean slate to built a better relationship.

Clarke's thought were still whirling within her, but they had been calmed a bit after letting some of her guilt, anger, hopelessness and frustrations out during her cry. She could breathe a bit easier, her shoulders didn't seem as heavy. She had gotten her mom back.

After a deep, releasing sigh, Clarke disentangled from Abby and took a small step back while wiping away dried tears. Not sure what to say, she looked down to the ground, slightly embarrassed about her outburst, though cleansing as it had been. It was Abby that, once again, broke the silence.

“It's late, really late, and I think it would be good for us if we got some sleep. These last few days have been exhausting, and there's still a lot to be done.” Abby threw her thumb over her shoulder, indicating towards where the Ark leadership had pitched their tents. She saw Clarke looking over her own shoulder, in the direction of Lexa's tent, and noticed the hesitance in her demeanor. She wanted to go back to Lexa.

“It's ok, Clarke. Go to her.” Clarke whipped around and looked at her mother in shock. Abby smiled at her daughter. “I know that you have something, I saw you last night. You were too preoccupied to notice I hadn't left before your last song.” At Clarke's panicked look, Abby reassured her. “It's ok, I think she's good for you, that you're good for each other. I didn't understand her, her culture, before. But I'm starting too, and I see the way she looks at you, she looks so.. Human. I don't know what have happened to her to make her seem so cold, but I think she really cares about you. I think you could be good for each other. So, go, follow your heart, my love.” Abby, still smiling, drew Clarke back into a short hug, kissed her forehead and bade her good night. She released Clarke, turned and began to walk towards her tent.

“Mom?” She heard Clarke ask, and turned back towards her. “Thank you.” Clarke uttered, sounding relieved. “I love you too. Sleep tight.” With that, Clarke turned and walked, with determined steps, back towards Lexa's tent.

Abby, her heart feeling lighter, knowing her daughter forgave her and was healing, walked to her tent and had little trouble falling asleep.

Clarke reached Lexa's tent and hesitated for a moment, unsure if she should just walk in. “Lexa?” She softly called out, instead of entering.  
“Come in, Clarke.” She heard Lexa answer, sounding slightly surprised. As Clarke entered, she noticed the torches, that had lit the tent up during the meeting, had been distinguished, and instead a few candles had been lit. Lexa, or someone else, had cleaned the table for cups, maps and papers were in neat piles. Lexa had also removed her jacket, shoulder armor and sash, and instead donned a light shirt that seemed rather comfortable. 

I didn't think..” Lexa started, as Clarke approached her. She halted her words when she noticed Clarke's red rimmed eyes. She rushed to meet Clarke and took her face in her hands, caressing her cheeks.  
“Are you ok? What happened? I'll kill her.” Lexa fired in quick succession. At the first words she sounded concerned, then worried, but the last bit was said between cleansed teeth, as she marched towards the tent door.  
“Lexa, stop, it's ok.” “No, Clarke, she can't hurt you li.” Clarke interrupted her by grabbing her arm and bringing her around in front of her.  
“It's ok. We talked, well she talked. She apologized and told me she forgives me, forgives the choices I had to make. And she told me she loves me.” At seeing Clarke smile, Lexa's tense demeanor relaxed a bit.

“But you have been crying.” Lexa was still worried, and not totally convinced Abby hadn't hurt Clarke. She knew that mother and daughter hadn't been seening eye to eye. She was also worried that she might have misunderstood Abby's nod to her, at lunch, or that she might have changed her mind, that maybe she didn't approve of her being with Clarke.

Clarke was warmed by Lexa's concern, even the death threat towards her mother. Lexa really cared about her. It made her smile widen, and she drew Lexa into a lingering kiss. The kiss had the desired effect on Lexa, she completely melted into Clarke, deepening the kiss. 

Minutes went by. They were lost in the feeling of their lips and tongues gliding against each other and teeth nipping lips and flesh, as Clarke moved down Lexa's jaw to her neck. Lexa had a hard time not whimpering, when Clarke drew back. She opened her eyes and met Clarke's dilated pupils.

“I've wanted to do that all day.” Clarke's voice low and husky. “I've wanted to grab you and kiss you and touch you and get you under me. I've wanted to feel your naked skin against mine. I have wanted to mark your flesh, make you mine.” As Clarke had been talking, she had been backing Lexa toward her bed and sneaked her hands under Lexa's shirt, teasing her abs. Clarke pulled the shirt and undershirt up, Lexa lifting her arms. Clarke threw the clothes on the ground, neither of them caring where it landed, they just wanted to feel each other.

Clarke stood for a moment, admiring Lexa's naked torso. She then grabbed a handful of hair, at the back of Lexa's head, and drew her into a desperate kiss. Her other hand went up Lexa's body till she was cupping her breast and massaged it, while teasing her nipple. Lexa, feeling Clarke's tight grip, forceful mouth and teasing fingers, let out a moan. This was turning her on, fast. She gripped Clarke's open jacket, needing to hold on to something, to feel grounded, or she would float away.

All of a sudden, Lexa was pushed backwards, and she fell back on her bed. Clarke was, hurriedly, throwing off her jacket and shirt, before she advanced and straddled Lexa's thighs. She grabbed Lexa's hands, intertwining their fingers, and brought them above Lexa's head, on the bed, as she leaned forward and caught her mouth once again.

Clarke was holding Lexa in place, while she brought her mouth down over Lexa's jaw and down her neck, only to come back to her lips and starting all over again. As their breasts rubbed against each other, they canted their hips, none of them them getting respite due to their positions, the movements only adding to their passion. Lexa was sure that her neck would be bruised the next day, though, in the moment, she couldn't find it in herself to care, it felt too good.

Clarke's lips were getting lower, she descended down Lexa's front, moving her body lower, dragging her hands down Lexa's arms, keeping her fingers teasing. She bit into Lexa's neck, shoulder, upper breast, but soothed every bite with soft lips and wet tongue. She circled her nipple with her tongue, before sucking it into her mouth, dragging her teeth back with a pop, before repeating. Lexa moaned louder at that, she was feeling on fire. Clarke's soft aggressiveness was making her blood boil and her breaths come in quicker. Clarke switched breast, giving the same attention, before continuing down Lexa's body, her tongue leaving a wet trail, as her hands took over where her tongue had been on her breasts, massaging and teasing.

She used her tongue to circle Lexa's bellybutton, dipping down a few times, before reaching the edge of Lexa's pants. Lexa, one hand grabbing hold of a pillow, was biting down on her knuckle of the other hand to keep from moaning too loudly. Nobody had done to her body, turned her on this much and this fast, before, it was exhilarating and she felt like her core was burning up.

As Clarke got to the edge of her pants, she dragged her nails down Lexa's stomach, leaving red marks and earning a long groan. She quickly got the pants open and dragged them, and Lexa's underwear, down her legs. She, momentarily, got frustrated by Lexa's boots, they were not made for quick removal, but she got them off.

Clarke was kneeling on the ground, at the end of the bed. She slowly slid her hands up the outside of Lexa's legs, letting her fingers tease, but adding slight pressure with her palms. Lexa was rubbing her thighs together, trying to relieve the pressure that was slowly driving her insane. 

Clarke started to kiss and nip up Lexa's left leg, starting at her ankle. As she got higher, Lexa slowly parted her legs, giving her room. Clarke's hands reached Lexa's hips, and she grabbed hold, wanting to keep Lexa still. Her lips reached her inner thigh, and Lexa further parted her legs. She desperately needed Clarke to hurry up, already. Clarke got closer and closer, taking her time with teasing nips and soft kisses. She enjoyed having Lexa under her, like this, wanting. She found pleasure in worshiping the magnificent body, that laid spread out in front of her. She was in awe of Lexa's body, the muscles that rippled under the scarred skin, she knew that Lexa could flip them over and take complete control anytime she wanted it, but she didn't. Lexa wanted, needed, Clarke to do what she wanted to do. She entrusted Clarke her control.

Lexa groaned out a breathless “No. Please.” as Clarke reached her core and ghosted over it, before continuing her torturous ministrations down Lexa's right thigh. Clarke could smell, and see, Lexa's arousal, and she smirked when she heard her beg. She very much wanted to taste her, but was having too much fun caressing her body. She wanted to feel all of Lexa, wanting her tongue to feel the scars, wanting her teeth to leave marks and wanting her lips to soothe any hurt she did. 

Clarke inched her hands up, first teasing the underside of Lexa's breasts, then massaging them, rolling the nipples between her fingers. Her mouth had reached Lexa's knee, and she began to inch back up, nearing, again, where Lexa so desperately needed her.

At the first taste of sweetness, and feel of trimmed coarse hair, Clarke moaned. Lexa canted her hips, she needed more. As Clarke's tongue began to circle her clit, Lexa grabbed the pillow harder and bit down more forceful on her knuckle, to keep her from moaning too loudly, it felt so good.

Lexa had no idea how much time had passed, she cared only for Clarke's touch on her sweat soaked body. Having Clarke's mouth on her core, her lips, her tongue teasing and prodding and sucking, was everything she had needed all day. She was canting her hips, trying to get Clarke to move faster, to put more pressure were she needed it. Clarke was playing with her, and while it felt insanely good, it also riled her up and frustrated her. Clarke was playing with her breasts and licking her clit and she kept her movements slow and teasing. Lexa whimpered, canting her hips more forcefully and trying to squeeze her thighs together, trapping Clarke's head.

“Clarke, please.. Please just...” She couldn't gather the words she needed, the pleasure Clarke was giving her was making it very hard to concentrate on words, on anything other than feeling Clarke.

Clarke took mercy on Lexa, and sucked her clit into her mouth as she pinched her nipples. Not many moments went by before Lexa's body went rigid and she arched her back, and then almost sitting up while she squeezed her thighs together, trapping Clarke almost painfully. Lexa bit down on her hand, keeping from screaming out, as her other hand released the pillow, flailed around before finally grabbing hold of Clarke's hair, pressing her closer to her core.

She had never come that hard before, the intensity almost overwhelming. Clarke was holding on to her hips, her thumbs caressing reassuringly, as she waited for Lexa to relax, so she could remove her head from her thighs.

When Lexa finally relaxed and slumped down on the bed, her thighs released their hold on Clarke and she gently pulled her up her body and into an intense and passionate kiss. Lexa moaned at the taste of herself on Clarke lips and tongue. Clarke's hands were all over her, caressing every inch of damp skin they could find. Lexa's hands had grabbed hold of Clarke's hair, her legs had wrapped around Clarke, keeping her in place, on top of Lexa. She needed to feel the weight of Clarke, to feel her lips against her own.

Lexa's body finally calmed down and her breath returned to her, her chest no longer heaving in need of oxygen. She slagged her hold on Clarke a bit and opened her eyes, needing to see Clarke's. Clarke drew back slightly, putting weight on her elbows on each side of Lexa's head, to get some distance so they didn't get crossed eyed.

Lexa looked so beautiful in the dim light from the candles, her cheeks were flushed, her breath still slightly ragged, her hair stuck to her sweaty forehead. Her eyes were hooded and a small, warm smile adorned her face. She looked utterly content, and Clarke finally understood why some people were referred to as Gods.

“I love you.” She breathed out, completely in awe. Lexa stiffened under her, having been nowhere prepared for Clarke's confession. Clarke's eyes widened in panic. 

She hadn't meant to say it, it was too soon. Way too soon. But then her heart yelled at her. It might be too soon to say the words, but it was what she was feeling. She had known Lexa for such a short and intense amount of time, but she couldn't deny her feelings.

A smile spread on her face and Clarke opened her mouth to speak again.  
“I know we haven't known each other for that long, and so much have happened that I, that we, haven't really dealt with yet. I know that this, us, is very new. I know that these feelings I'm having are scaring the scrap out of me.” She took a deep, settling breath, before she continued. “But I also know that thinking about you makes me want to smile. I know that being near you makes my heart pound in my chest, so loudly I'm afraid everyone around me will hear, and that my palms start to sweat, my hands are itching to reach out and touch you. I know that feeling your touch calms me down. I know that kissing you makes my heart sing. I know that..”

“I love you too.” Lexa's terrified and shaking voice whispered out, interrupting Clarke's confession.

Lexa was shaking under her, she could feel it and she knew it wasn't because she was feeling cold. Clarke knew what Lexa had been through, with Costia, knew that Lexa guarded her feelings very well and locked them deep inside, never meaning to let them out. That Lexa was saying the words, was admitting, out loud, her feelings, was not something to be taken lightly.

Clarke cupped her face, drawing back the hair that stuck to her forehead, her thumb caressing Lexa's soft, trembling lips. She leaned down, gave her a gently kiss, drawing back again and catching her eyes, needing Lexa to understand how serious she was being.  
“I love you, Lexa. I love you and I swear I will do my best to protect your heart. We might butt heads from time to time, have different opinions on certain things and not always understand each other's culture, where we're coming from. But I promise that I will do my best to not let it come between us, to talk with you, discuss things with you. I will have your back and I will protect your heart.”

Clarke could feel Lexa's ragged breath, could see the tears forming in Lexa's eyes, tears Lexa desperately tried to hold back. She could see just how truly vulnerable and terrified Lexa was feeling.

Clarke rolled them over, so Lexa was laying half on top of her, shimmered out of her pants and underwear, she was still wearing, and pulled a blanked over them, while cradling Lexa close to her, intertwining their legs.

“It's ok, Lexa, I've got you. With me you don't have to hide. You can let go. It's ok. You are not weak. You are an incredible strong woman, but even you need to let go, once in a while. I won't abandon you, I won't look at you differently. I've got you, it's ok. You're not weak, just let it out. I've got you.” She could feel that Lexa was fighting it, but if her earlier encounter with her mother had taught her anything, it was that, sometimes, it was good to just let go and let it out. Sometimes you just needed to get it out. Clarke was cradling the back of Lexa's head, massaging her neck lightly, while her other hand ran slowly up and down her back in soothing patterns.

After a while, she felt Lexa respond. Lexa grabbed hold of Clarke, wrapping her arms around her and clung on tightly, as she, finally, let go. The tears poured out of her eyes, and she sobbed into Clarke's shoulder, trying not to get too loud, she didn't want anyone to hear her, she needed to appear impenetrable, as strong and stoic, as unfeeling. 

If she appeared as weak, nobody would respect her or follow her commands. If she appeared weak, the other clans would challenge her and the coalition would crumble, war would break out. She needed to appear as if nothing phased her, nothing could get through her shield. She had to make decisions that cost people their lives, she had to sacrifice the few so the many could live. Every day she had to make decisions and hope it would be the right one. Everyone looked up to her, putting their lives in her hands, trusting her, or waiting for her to fail, to show weakness. She had had to show no emotions when she put her sword through Gustus' heart, even though he had been her most trusted adviser, had known him since she was a child. She was twenty years old and hadn't been truly hugged, hadn't allowed anyone to get too close, for three years. Not since Costia.

So she sobbed into Clarke's shoulder. She let out every hurt, anger, sorrow, frustration, betrayal, everything that she had kept inside for years, she let it out. Clarke kept gently rubbing her neck and draw soothing patterns on her back as she whispered reassuring words into Lexa's ear and kissing the top of her head. Tears were running down Clarke's cheeks, as well, she was feeling for Lexa. 

She had only known leadership for a short time, Lexa had been a leader for years, but she had never felt as alone as she had in the last month. Then she met Lexa, and she began to feel a little less alone. Clarke was crying for Lexa, for how hard and lonely it must have been for her.

They laid there for a long time. The candles had burned out and the tent was cast in darkness, before Lexa stopped crying and her breathing slowly evened out. She had cried herself to sleep. Clarke was exhausted, she had been running on little sleep and the day had been long and the night had been emotional, but she stayed awake a while longer, needing to be sure Lexa was truly asleep, before succumbing to sleep herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was an emotional one. The characters took me on this journey, I had no plans on going yet, but it just felt right when the words poured out of me.
> 
> I hope you like reading this as much as I like writing it.  
> Thank you to all that read, give kudos and/or comments, I really like the discussions I've had here :)


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is unbeta'ed, so all mistakes are mine.
> 
> I want to apologize for not uploading a chapter last week. At the start of the week I was told that I have to live with my back and joint pains for the rest of my life. Then by friday I was hit by a massive and nasty flu, that I'm just getting over now, over a week later. I even completely lost my voice for almost five days.
> 
> This was a hard chapter to write, my focus have not been cooperating with me, I have a lot on my mind.

Lexa could feel herself slowly returning from the pull of sleep. She was encased in warmth, feeling pressure against her back and something tickling her stomach. She could also feel something wet and sharp on her earlobe. She grunted, turning her head away and swatting at whatever tickled her stomach. The sensations didn't stop, however, and the pressure against her back intensified. 

As she became more lucid, she noticed several things. Firstly, she was on her side. Secondly, Clarke was spooning her, she was the pressure against her back. Thirdly, the tickling sensation on her stomach was Clarke's fingers, drawing patterns on her skin. Fourthly, the wet and sharp nipping at her earlobe, was Clarke's mouth, teasing her. And lastly, Clarke's ministrations, that had pulled her out of sleep, were turning her on.

Lexa debated internally if she should be annoyed that Clarke had, once again, woken her up. Mornings and her simply did not mesh well together. But then Clarke's teasing fingers slid up her body and was now caressing her breasts, Clarke's mouth moved from her earlobe to that spot behind her ear, that spot that shot heat through her body, down to her core. Lexa gave a small whimper and clenched her thighs together, grinding her ass into Clarke. She had forgotten just how much it turned her on when someone kissed her behind her ears.

She could feel Clarke's breath hitch and feel her grinding against her ass, the sound was very erotic, so close to her ear. Clarke kept massaging her breast as she threw a knee over Lexa's hips, getting a better angle as she continued to grind into Lexa. Clarke gave a soft moan and Lexa could feel her wetness, she reached behind her to grab Clarke's hip, to pull her into her.

Clarke's hand on her breast stopped teasing, instead it took hold of Lexa's side, their arms now intertwined, to help give her thrusts more strength. The knee on her hip draped over her, the same purpose in mind. Lexa could hear Clarke's small breathy moans increase with the force of the thrusts. It turned her on immensely, Clarke using her body in such a way, that Clarke couldn't wait till Lexa was awake to satisfy her needs. To know that Clarke had to wake her up to feel her, to touch her, sent fresh heat through her core.

Lexa knew that she was desired by many, she had known that since she started being just friends with Cosita. Her position, her power, her looks, had had many try to pursue her, gain her favors. She had turned down many, men and women, who had wanted to bed her. She had been tempted a few times, before she had remembered her vows: Never, again, let anyone close. But to have Clarke want her, all of her, was a new feeling entirely.

Lexa, shrugging Clarke's limbs off of her, ignored her pitiful whimper, turned around and pushed Clarke on her back, straddling her hips. Clarke's skin was flushed, her chest was heaving and her hips kept trying to jerk upwards, needing to find relief.

“Lexa, please.. I just.. I need... I need you, please, just.. Just touch me, please.” Clarke, squirming beneath her, thighs pushing together, eyes hooded, hands grabbing Lexa's hips, was begging. Lexa could see the desperation in Clarke's eyes, could see the burning need for relief. She was still a bit miffed about being woken up, so she decided for a little torture. It was only fair, she felt.

Lexa let her fingers trace slow patterns across Clarke's skin. She started just above where Clarke most needed touch, fingers feeling trimmed coarse hair. Lexa then dragging her short nails up Clarke's stomach, keeping the touch teasing. Clarke whimpered, she couldn't take her eye's off of Lexa's long fingers, she needed her touch, even this torturous one. Clarke was burning up, Lexa saw the quickening of her breath, felt the heat emanating off of her, saw the beats of sweat starting to form on Clarke's soft skin.

Lexa's teasing was driving Clarke crazy, she needed to be touched right and she needed to be touched now. She had woken from a very pleasant dream, only to find that reality was better: Lexa was laying beside her, naked. She had slowly started to ghost her fingers over Lexa's skin, still mesmerized by how soft the otherwise stony Commander was, when not hiding behind walls or under armor.

Clarke grabbed Lexa's hands and pulled them to her breasts. Lexa smirked, she had been waiting for Clarke to react to her teasing touches, and immediately responding by kneading and teasing her breasts. What a magnificent view, Lexa thought, looking down at Clarke. Her blonde hair was spread out against her dark pillow, face scrunched up in pleasure, teeth biting her lower lip, Lexa's hands on Clarke's breasts with Clarke's hands on top, guiding them. The way Clarke was squirming under her, trying so desperately to get relief. Lexa, herself, couldn't sit still, her hips were moving back and forth, also trying to find relief.

Their eyes caught each other and stayed locked. Lexa felt herself gasp, seeing nothing but warmth and lust, love and trust.  
“I love you.” Came whispered from Lexa. She was still scared of being emotional, of showing her feelings, but last night had changed something inside her. Clarke had shown that with her she didn't need to hide behind being the Commander, with Clarke she could let go and be herself.

Clarke sensed the change in energy and halted her frantic movements. She saw the scared, vulnerable look in Lexa's eyes. But she also saw the love there, fighting to get out, fighting it's way out from beneath heavy locks and through thick walls. She gently pulled Lexa's hands to her mouth, softly kissing each palm, before letting go and pull Lexa down for a kiss. The kiss was so soft, at first, it was almost as if it wasn't there. Then, slowly, it became more, as lips started to move, to glide over each other, taking hold and letting go, only to come back and repeat the motion. There was no tongue or teeth in this kiss. There was no need to deepen it, only to feel the other, to feel how close and true the other were, to say: I am here and I love you for you. 

The soft, intimate kisses continued for a long time, their lust had taken a backseat for their need to convey these strong emotions, flowing within them, threatening to consume and overflow. This kiss was meant to recognize their love for one another, to reel in feelings, to settle their minds.

They broke apart, staring into each other's eyes as they tried to catch their breaths. Their hands were cupping the other's face, finger's were caressing, were reassuring the other was real, was right there.  
“I love you.” This time, Lexa's voice was clear, was sure. Gone were the scared, haunted look, in it's place were warm eyes and a small smile adorning her face.  
“I love you too.” Clarke responded, a smile formed on her lips, that spread to light up her entire face. They were going to have their ups and downs, Clarke was sure, but as long as they could remember this moment, remember how it felt, she was sure they could overcome whatever crossed their paths.

They had a tough day ahead of them, the funerals for the fallen, but Clarke was not yet ready to let go of this happiness, let go of Lexa. She pulled her into another kiss, this one starting out gentle, but slowly build more forceful, as their passion returned.

Soon they were back to their frantic movements, the need to be as close to the other as possible, to feel slick skin beneath their fingertips, to feel lips and tongue and teeth mark and soothe. To feel the burning within them find release.

Clarke grabbed Lexa's right hand, taking her middle- and forefingers into her mouth, letting her tongue tease them, nipping them with her teeth. Lexa moaned at the sight and the feeling of Clarke's warm wet tongue against her fingertips, she was still straddling Clarke's hips. When Clarke had deemed Lexa's fingers wet enough, when she could wait any longer, she moved Lexa's hands down her body. Lexa, still mesmerized by Clarke's boldness, got the gist when Clarke started to spread her legs, and Lexa raised her body, making room for their hands to pass under her. 

When Clarke placed Lexa's wet fingers against her clit, they both moaned. Clarke was maneuvering Lexa's fingers around, showing her what she liked. Lexa could feel how wet Clarke was, could hear from her whimpers how needy she was, how she craved these touches. It didn't take long for Lexa to start moving her fingers on her own, Clarke's hand retreaded and grabbed hold of Lexa's thigh. Clarke's other hand were teasing her own breast as Lexa's free hand was teasing the other.

The need to touch Lexa overwhelmed her need for stimulation, and Clarke started to trail her hands down Lexa's body, teasing and scratching, making Lexa groan and jerk her hips, though there was nothing to grind against, she was getting frustrated. Clarke took pity on her and found her clit with her thumb. She could feel the protruding nub pulse against the slow circles she was drawing, could feel Lexa move her hips, trying to get Clarke to press firmer against her.

Clarke paused her movements and moaned loudly, when she felt Lexa enter her. Lexa clamped a hand over Clarke's mouth.  
“Shh, Clarke, you have to be more quiet, do you want everyone to know?!” Lexa hissed. It was more a statement for Clarke to keep her moans down, than a question. Clarke swallowed and nodded, indication she would fight the urge to be more vocal. Lexa removed her hand from Clarke's mouth, instead she started to caress her face, her lips.

As they both resumed their movements, Clarke drew Lexa's thumb into her mouth, nipping down on it as her tongue teased the tip. Now it was Lexa's turn to fight her moan, the sight was so erotic, the feeling making her wetter, she needed release.

They set up a rhythm, alternating between quick and hard, slow and soft. They were both chasing release, but they also just reveled in feel the other. Clarke fought to keep her eyes open and her moans from getting loud. She was intent on gazing up at Lexa, seeing her concentrated look, her brows knitted together in passion, as she herself fought the need to vocalize her pleasure.

In the end, it was too much for Clarke, and she couldn't hold off her orgasm anymore, letting the tidal wave consume her. As she tensed up, her thumb pressed hard into Lexa's clit, igniting Lexa from within, as she, too, crashed into her orgasm and arched her back, letting her head fall back, before she slumped over, landing on top of a panting Clarke.

As they fought to regain their breath, they maneuvered a bit, so the were lying more comfortable, grabbing each other's damp bodies, fingers caressing slick skin. Lips found lips in a deep kiss, as they came down from their highs, needing the close contact.

Their breaths had returned to normal and Lexa was lying on top of Clarke, their legs intertwined, their their fingers running slow patters over naked skin. Lexa could honestly say that she had not felt this comfortable in years. She gave a deep, content sigh.  
“Clarke, I am still not pleased you pulled me from my slumber.” Feeling Lexa's smirk, as she talked, against her, Clarke snorted out a short laugh.  
“Yeah right, you loved it. So stop acting all grumpy and let me bask here for a few minutes.” At Clarke's teasing remark, Lexa softly chuckled and wormed even closer to Clarke.

They laid in comfortable silence, Clarke was running her fingers through Lexa's hair, mindful of the braids., Lexa was drawing slow patters on Clarke's shoulder.  
“I think your mother knows about us.” Came Lexa's low, contemplating voice. Clarke continued playing with Lexa's hair.

“Ohh, yeah, she told me last night. She thinks we might be good for each other.” Clarke replied, the smile evident in her voice. Lexa lifted her head and looked at Clarke.  
“Are you sure?” Lexa's eyes showed uncertainty, she didn't seem convinced, even with Abby's small smiles toward her the day before, during lunch and after the meeting. Clarke's palm cupped Lexa's cheek. “Yes. She said that it was ok, that I should follow my heart.” Clarke drew Lexa in for a soft kiss, releasing her again. “I think she has seen how we affect each other, for the better, how you have helped me with these difficult decisions, have worked with me to create this alliance. How we managed to free our people, together, with less casualties than expected. She knows what it's like to be the one everyone turn to, to be the one in charge. She knows how difficult that can be, how lonely.”

Lexa leaned down and gently pressed her lips to Clarke's, needing comfort, but also needing to give comfort. She then put her forehead to Clarke's, drawing in a shaking breath. Feeling Clarke so close to her took her breath away. She was truly and completely in love with this woman. This amazing woman, who fell from the sky, who wouldn't take no for an answer, who defeated armies. Who had taken her heart and scaled her walls, within just days of meeting. Who were hers.

With another gentle kiss to Clarke's lips, Lexa slowly got up.  
“It's going to be a long day, Clarke, we should get dressed.” They both got out of bed and started their morning routine, getting washed and dressed. Lexa went over her braids, making sure they were proper, then she dressed in her full Commander gear and applied her war paint.

Clarke got dressed in, what had become her own version of Commander outfit: Her longer blue and black jacket, with the shoulder guard and fingerless gloves. Instead of just taking some of her hair and tying it in the back, she braided the strands and braided them in the back. She holstered her gun and tied the knife, Lexa had given her, to her thigh.

When they were done dressing, they took a moment to center themselves. They clasped their hands together, intertwined their fingers, stared into each other's eyes and breathed deep. They took a moment to confirm they had each other's back, that what they were out there and what they were in here, were different, but also the same: They were a team.

They walked out of the tent and went to the center of the camp, to where the fires were and food was prepared. Not many were up and about yet, it was still relatively early, they got their breakfast and sat and ate in comfortable silence.

The day progressed and when lunch had passed, preparations for the funerals were done. All the Grounders and Sky People gathered to send off their fallen, even the wounded, who weren't bed bound, had come. Even some of the Mountain Men, those who had helped, were there, wearing containment suits and oxygen tanks.

Lexa and Clarke were standing in front of the many funeral pyres, ready to be lit. Indra was standing to Lexa's left side, just a step behind her, with Octavia and Lincoln beside Indra. The other Grounder Generals, and their seconds, were standing behind them. On Lexa's right side stood Clarke, with Abby a step behind to her right with Bellamy, Sgt. Miller and Monty. Surrounding the whole clearing, were the rest of the Grounders and Sky People, mixed together.

As Raven and Nyko approached their leaders with torches to light the funeral pyres, Raven felt s chill run through her. The sight of Clarke and Lexa, in their getup and with their Generals behind them, were a sight to behold. Their steel eyes and grounded stance exuded great strength and power.

Raven may not like Lexa all that much, but she could admit that she was a great leader, and had mentored Clarke to become a better leader. She didn't much care for all the time they spend together, but she, they, the Sky People, benefited from Clarke's alliance with the Grounders. She would not, could not, forgive Lexa for what had happened to Finn. Maybe someday, but not yet. She had only just started to forgive Clarke.

Raven and Nyko handed over the torches to Clarke and Lexa. Nyko took his place behind Indra, and Raven took hers beside Abby. At seeing Abby's stoic face and crossed arms, she gently put a hand on Abby's forearm, showing support. She knew that loosing Kane would be hard for Abby, loosing a friend weren't easy. Abby turned her head and met Raven's eyes, she managed a grimace, that Raven took as Abby trying to smile. She returned the smile and hooked her arm through Abby's, holding on to her bicep. Raven needed the comfort as much as she thought Abby did.

The funeral was a sombre affair, there are many pyres to light. But Raven could feel a shift in the crowd, as Lexa and Clarke walk from pyre to pyre. At each pyre, there are several bodies per pyre, both Lexa and Clarke said the words “Yu gonplei ste odon.” and “May we meet again.” with clear voices. With their sure words and the effective, but caring way they move from pyre to pyre, from body to body, Raven could feel the crowd drawing strength from their leaders. Even Raven could feel herself letting go of some of her grief. This funeral was cathartic, she could see it in Abby's eyes, as they follow her daughter and Lexa, that even though a couple of tears escape, Raven could see Abby heal a little bit. It warmed her, she doesn't like seeing the older woman in pain.

When Clarke and Lexa reach the last pyre, the one with the Mountain Men on it, Lexa speaks up, addressing the crowd.  
“These Men of the Mountain have long been casting shadows over us. They have hunted us, used our own against us, hurt and killed many of us. But no more!” Lexa yells out, and the crowd cheers on, before a movement of her hand silences them. “What we have done here, brought down Mount Weather, we could not have done without Clarke and the Sky People. Many may not agree with this.” A low grumbling could be heard around the many warriors. “Em pleni!” The growled command of Enough! yelled out, almost doesn't sound like Lexa, there was such power behind the words. A few people even took a step back, seeing the fury in their Commander's eyes, as she looked around with eyes ready for murder. “How many times have we tried to take the Mountain?! How many times have we lost too many warriors?! How many times have we failed?!”

Raven can see that Lexa is furious, can see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. But Raven is sure that Lexa is feeling more than she is showing, Lexa is good at concealing her feelings, but this is about getting her people in line, this fury is about sealing the alliance, securing the Sky People's survival, securing that Lexa is The Commander and must be obeyed.

“We would not be standing here, today, without the Sky People. Their knowledge and technology have made it possible to break the Mountain Men's defenses and for us to have a way of turning Reapers back into men. Without them we would still live in fear of the Mountain. Yes, there have been war between us, lives have been lost. But we have dealt with that. Jomp emo op en yu jomp ai op. The sky people are under my protection, and if any of you disagree with me, then come here, right now, and challenge me.” Lexa's voice had gone cold and the rest of her was the picture of calm. She held her arms out, daring anyone to fight her, as she turned in a circle, looking over her warriors, looking towards her Generals.

The crowd had gone eerily quiet. The Sky People were looking around, some in fear, that someone would challenge Lexa, and win, and then attack and kill them. The Grounders were mostly looking stone faced, nobody moved. It seemed that nobody dared challenge The Commander, dared fight Lexa.

When nobody stepped forward, Lexa started to talk again.  
“Now that that is over with, as I said before: The Sky People are under my protection. I am sure that they will want to help rebuild TonDC, help make it a better city. Help make it their home, too.” Most of the Sky People nodded at this. “We have freed our people, we are made whole again. With this fire we cleanse the past. The dead are gone and the living are hungry!” With those words, Lexa ignited the pyre with the dead from Mount Weather, and stepped back, beside Clarke.

Lexa and Clarke stepped back to their Generals, as they all watched the pyres burn down, saying farewell to their dead.

Raven may not like Lexa, but she did admire her. A twenty year old, scrawny looking woman, standing in front of a large, hardcore warrior army saying Fight me or get in line, had got to earn some bonus points.

When the funeral was done, the leadership retreated to Lexa's Command tent for a meeting. Raven hadn't initially intended to attend the meeting, she had better things to do, but Wick approached her with puppy eyes, and she could not deal with him right now. It had been a huge mistake to have sex with him. She had been caught up in the moment, and just wanted to feel anything besides the hurt, loosing Finn, that were consuming her. Raven liked Wick, a lot, but she did not want a relationship with him. She enjoyed spending time with him, they had great chemistry, he was funny and attractive. She just didn't feel anything beyond friendship with him. Raven wasn't ready to have any kind of romantic relationship with anybody.

So she attended the meeting and avoided having to deal with Wick in a grownup way. It was perfectly fine to run and hide and not deal with things, right? Right. It was perfectly fine. Nothing wrong with it. Nothing at all. All was well and dandy and ohhhh crap. They were all looking at her.

“Are you OK, Raven?” Abby asked, she looked concerned and put her hand on Raven's, giving it a light, reassuring squeeze.  
“Uhh, yeah. Yes. I'm alright. I was just eeerrrr.. You were saying about the ermm, the..” Raven looked to Abby, her eyes screaming for help. She had zoned out so bad, that she had no idea what they had been talking about. Abby came to her rescue.  
“We were hoping that you could help with setting up communications in TonDC?” Ohh right, they had been talking about slowly moving their stuff from Camp Jaha to TonDC, as they rebuilt it.  
“Ohh yeah, no problem. I just need to splice a few things together and, could you have Monty come work with me? That kid's a genius.” Boo yeah, I got this, was what went through Raven's mind. She gave a confident smile, and the meeting resumed without further incidents.

After the meeting, Abby caught up with Raven, as she moved towards her tent.  
“Hey, Raven, wait up. You're fast, for a cripple.” She teased, knowing that Raven could take it. Raven stopped and humorously rolled her eyes at Abby.  
“And you're slow for such a sprightly hot bod.” Raven countered, delighted in seeing a slight blush on Abby's cheeks. “What brings you to seek out this genius?” Raven popped her shoulders and pointed at herself with her thumbs. Abby gave a short bark at Raven's cockiness.  
“How modest of you, Raven.” Abby countered. Raven gave a short bow. “Wow, you're so full of it, I don't know what to do with you anymore.” Abby laughed.  
“I'm full of something.” Raven uttered under her breath, making Abby laugh harder, then she joined in. It was good, laughing. It felt really good to be able to have some goodhearted, easy fun, without there being something underneath. It had always been easy with Abby.

Abby snaked her arm through Raven's, grabbing hold and pulling Raven in another direction.  
“Alright, genius, you're coming with me, I feel like taking a walk after being stuck in that tent. Those Grounders sure are a tough crowd.” Abby's voice was still light, and she chuckled at the genius part. Raven allowed Abby to drag her along, she liked the older woman's company. Plus, it beat going to her tent, to possibly mope. Not that she moped.. Ever.

A few minutes of walking in comfortable silence, Abby broke it.  
“So, how's it going, with everything?” Hearing the deep sigh Raven let out, she pressed on. “Is there something the matter, something you want to talk about? I'm here for you, Raven.” Raven glanced to the side and saw Abby's caring eyes looking op at her. 

“Nah, it's nothing, I'm fine.” Raven's defenses went up, like they always did when things got too personal. She threw Abby a smile, she was sure would placate Abby. Abby saw right through her, though, could see the turmoil in Raven's eyes.  
“You're not fine. Come here.” They were on the edge of the camp, Abby dragged Raven over to a fallen tree, so they could sit down. Raven's limp had become more noticeable throughout their walk. “Talk to me, Raven. You're not usually one to zone out this much.” She bumped her shoulder to Raven's, trying to catch Raven's downcast eyes with her own.

“It's just that..” Raven started, after a few minutes of silence, before stopping again. Her thoughts were jumbled and words were escaping her, would not find their way out her mouth. “Well, the other day I... but I didn't mean to. I mean, I did, but I didn't. Ya know? And now it's all just.. I shouldn't have done it, but then I wanted to. But it was a mistake.. I should've.. I just wanted to feel.. I just wanted to..” Raven's hands were flailing around as she tried to explain. Abby had no idea what Raven was talking about, and gently grabbed hold of her hands.  
“Raven, honey, stop. Just breathe, just take a deep breath and calm down. I have no idea what you're talking about.”

Raven looked down at their hands, taking in a couple of deep breaths, before opening her mouth again.  
“Alright. So.. A couple of days ago, before we marched here, I was caught up in the moment of figuring out how to disable the acid fog, and Wick was there and I kissed him.. And then we had sex. I just wanted to feel something, to not feel so sad. And Wick was there and he felt good. But just for a moment. When it was over, I realized it wasn't what I wanted, what I really needed. And now he keeps sending me these puppy eyes, and I keep avoiding him, I keep avoiding having the conversation I know I should have, with him.” Raven looked up and into Abby's eyes, seeing only understanding in them. She wasn't judging her.

Abby drew Raven into a hug, before releasing her again and looked into her eyes.  
“It's OK to need to feel something, to need that physical release. You didn't do anything wrong there, Raven, even if you think you did. And you said it yourself, it felt good in the moment. It might have been the wrong timing or Wick might not the guy for you right now, but you didn't do anything wrong.” Raven nodded along, she was getting what Abby was saying. “But you do need to stop avoiding him and talk to him about how you feel. It's OK to not want a relationship with someone you had sex with, you don't owe anybody anything.” Abby wanted to make sure Raven knew that.

“Yeah, no, I know. I was just.. Well, being a coward and not wanting to deal with it. I just want to put it behind me, and get on with my life.” Raven said, and Abby could tell that she meant more than just her thing with Wick. Raven had been through a great deal, and she deserved to get to move on and become happy again.

Abby stood up and offered her hand to Raven.  
“Come on, I'll walk you to your tent, your leg seems to be giving you a bit of trouble today, is it OK?” Raven took Abby's hand and allowed her to help her to her feet.  
“I need to adjust the brace a bit, it keeps pinching me, but it's alright.” Raven answered her. “But I wouldn't mind the company, so thanks.” Raven looked into Abby's eyes, not just thanking her for wanting to walk her to her tent. She was thanking her for listening, for not judging. Abby understood that.

They walked back, just talking about small things, just enjoying each others company. Raven was back to teasing Abby, and Abby gave as good as she got. She could sense that Raven was feeling lighter, after her confession. It was good having her back, having Raven to talk to. It felt good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting an internship thingie on Tuesday and, depending if my body can handle it, it will be for a week or it could maybe even be for a month or two. It's in another city, so I will have to travel an hour and a half, each way.
> 
> So I will apologize if chapters might be late, or if they will be shorter than you're used to.


	6. Important Author's Note

Hi, all you wonderful, wonderful, totally awesome people :)

I'm so sorry that this isn't a new chapter, I truly am! But I have a question I'd really like to ask you.

As I said in the last chapter, I have started a new internship this week, that's in another city. So, every day, when I've finally gotten home, I have been so completely dead tired, that I have had zero concentration to write, and believe me, I've tried. I've fallen asleep every afternoon/early night, I've been so tired. This weekend, I've been at an MTG (Magic: The Gathering) Tournament, so I haven't had time to write.

The internship will be at a week to week basis, so maybe it's just for next week or it could be the rest of the month and maybe next month also, I won't know until we decide to end the internship. That means that I will be very tired, and that will affect my writing. Though, next week I have Tuesday and Wednesday off. Tuesday happens to be my birthday, so I don't know if I will have time to write there, and Wednesday I will get my next tattoo, and that is also Avalon Game Club day (every Wednesday is), it's my RPG/MTG/Board Game Club. So I won't be able to write there, I get home at around 10-11 at night.

I suffer from chronic pains, which I was told that I have to live with for the rest of my life (I'm turning 28, and have had pains since I was 16), and it takes a lot of my energy. I also have ADHD, and while I'm on medication, I have trouble with focus. I am not a fast writer, it takes a lot of time and focus to write this story, or for me to write at all.

The reason I'm telling you all this, is that I want to be honest with you, and tell you why my writing have been/will be affected. Believe me, I WILL continue to write this story, I LOVE it and I want to know what happens next (I have a couple of ideas, a couple of 'scenes' I want to happen, but I never know what my muse throws at me, hehe). I have been stressing that I haven't been able to give you guys an update, also because the last chapter was a week late due to that nasty flu I got.

The question I would like to ask are:  
So far, the chapters have been between 4800 and 6000 words. Would you like me to keep that length and get fewer updates, or would you like shorter chapters and maybe more updates?

I would very much like to know what you think/would prefer, so hit me with a comment or write me on my tumblr http://aj-spikey.tumblr.com/  
I also really really like the comment discussion thingies I've had with a couple of you. They give me things to think about, which I appreciate greatly :) So don't be shy to give your opinions or ask questions, no question is stupid :)

Thank you, so much, for being patient with me. I am sending you all cupcakes and cookies and hugs and hot chocolate and warm blankets.


	7. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After popular demands (or, ya know, those of you that commented :P) the chapters will stay longer, though I can't promise when updates will come.
> 
> This chapter ended up being the longest one yet, 6400 words. There was a place where I was tempted to leave it as a cliffhanger, guess where, but it would have meant the chapter would have been too short.
> 
> My totally awesome beta, Tehulla, said that the chapter was lovely, and she couldn't find any grammatical flaws. Which is Yay Me!, cause I'm slightly dyslexic, and mistakes are bound to happen.

Chapter 5

A lot was being done, in the week that followed. Lexa and Clarke were either out among their people, helping with and/or overseeing different tasks, or were in meetings, negotiating what needed to be done with both the surviving Mountain Men and the Sky People. The only time they really had to themselves, were early mornings and late nights. It was not a lot, but it was enough for them. They got to unwind and get to know each other better. They like to keep busy, to care for their people, so it worked for them.

They didn't act like a couple in public, they still felt the need to deal with the aftermath of the war, and also figure out how the two of them worked together. Abby knew about them, and they suspected a few others had an idea, they hadn't made it a secret that Clarke stayed in Lexa's tent, they just usually left early or entered late, due to their responsibilities, and not many were up and about at those times.

During that week, most of the Grounder army went home to their clans, though a group from each clan stayed behind, to help guard the Mountain Men and help rebuild TonDC, when they are set to pack up camp and return to the ruined city. A few of the clans were not happy with the arrangement, and Lexa used a lot of time negotiating and threatening, to get them to follow her commands. Luckily, they all seemed to come to terms and not put up any more resistance.

To say that the week had been a hectic and demanding one, would not be putting it too lightly. Though, there had been calm moments, moments where people could take a small brake and breathe. It was at one such moment, at the and of that week, that Abby sought out Lexa.

“Hello, Commander. May I have a quick word with you?” Abby asked Lexa, who was walking towards her tent, a plate of food in her hands, and her bodyguard at her side. Lexa turned her head at hearing Abby's voice, and looked her over. Lexa saw Abby's calm body language and small smile, and had an idea what Abby wanted to talk about.

“You may, Chancellor.” Lexa gave a nod, and gestured for Abby to follow her. They walked in silence, not wanting to voice their thoughts, the reason for this talk, in public.

Lexa commanded her bodyguard to wait outside, at his usual place, as he held the tent flap for Lexa and Abby to enter through. Lexa sat the plate on the table and took a seat as she gestured for Abby to do the same. They sat in a slightly uncomfortable silence for a minute, neither sure how to start the conversation. Finally, Lexa, who sat ramrod straight on the chair, her face giving nothing away, exuding great poise and the presence of a born leader, broke the silence.

“I have an idea of why you asked to talk to me, Chancellor, and I want to get this out of the way. I mean her no harm.” They both knew that 'her' was Clarke. Abby waited for Lexa to speak again, she wanted to get to know the Commander better, wanted to get to know Lexa, the woman behind the Commander. Abby wanted to know, even though she had in inkling, if Lexa truly loved her daughter, if she was truly good for her. She respected Lexa a great deal, but she was still a mother. 

Lexa spoke again. “I will never justify, to anyone, who I'm with and why, not as long as it does not harm my people. But you are Clarke's mother, and I will do a great many things to make sure she is not harmed and are happy. She deserves so much more than I can give. Clarke means a lot to me, more than you could ever know, Abby.” Abby saw Lexa's eyes cloud over, for just a moment, before Lexa looked down and gave a jerk of her head, as if to rid it of past demons. Lexa was good at hiding her emotions and what she was thinking, Abby had tried to read her, many times in the past couple of weeks, but it had proven difficult. Only a few times had she seen a flicker of emotion cross Lexa's face, only to quickly be shoved aside. It was a necessary skill to have, as a leader, but Abby knew, from personal experience, what a toll it took on you.

“I know that Clarke have been through and done things no one ever should.” Abby said. “I have seen the toll it has taken on her, on my daughter, and I can do nothing about it, other than try to be there for her. I have also seen how the weight, that was pressing down on her, have been lessened, since after the battle, since after you two got together.” Abby caught Lexa's eyes, she wanted to make sure Lexa knew she was being genuine. “I have also seen a change in you, Lexa. You seem, I don't know.. More free, somehow. Don't worry, I don't think many others have noticed, I have been observing you, both of you. I sound like such a creep, but I'm a mother, I worry.. And I will probably always worry, but I also know that Clarke is no longer a little girl. She has grown in to a strong, beautiful and kind woman, and you are helping her not drown in all this.. this... darkness.” Abby's hands floundered around as she tried to find the right words to explain, but not quite succeeding. “What I'm trying to say, Lexa, is that I think you might be good for her, as I also think she is good for you.” Abby smiled at Lexa, before her face turned serious again. “But don't get me wrong, you hurt her and I will come for you.”

Lexa had expected the threat. What she hadn't really expected, though she might have hoped, was Abby's kind words. Even though Abby had told Clarke that she approved of them being together, Lexa had been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Abby to wake up and see her as a threat to her daughter. It seemed that Abby truly approved of their relationship.

“I will leave you to your lunch, Commander. I just thought we should talk, woman to woman. I know why you are not letting on that you two are together, it's a burden few understand, but just know that you don't have to worry about me. What you two have is new and we live in uncertain times. You're a private person, with good reason I reckon, being Commander can't be easy, especially when you're so young. You will let people know, if you want to and it feels right, until then, you don't have to tone anything down, with me.” Abby got up, put her hand on Lexa's shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze, before she walked toward the exit of the tent. She could sense that Lexa had some things to think through. When she was almost to the exit, she heard Lexa's quiet voice.

“Abby, wait. Please.” Lexa couldn't quite look at Abby, she didn't really know why she stopped her from leaving. She was unsure if she should say anything, what she should say, but she felt the need to say something. She felt relaxed in Abby's company, could sense that she was genuine, that she had no hidden motives, no agenda. Lexa felt Abby's motherly vibe, and she was prompted to open up and share her feelings. Other than with Clarke, it wasn't something she had done in a long time. But, somehow, she felt like she could trust Abby.

Abby turned around and saw that Lexa looked uncomfortable, squirming on the chair, knee hopping, fingers restless, brows knit together in thought and confusion. She had never seen Lexa like that, and she felt a pang of wanting to comfort her, like she would Clarke. Abby sat back down on the chair, waiting for Lexa to work through whatever was going through her mind, and open her mouth.

It took a couple of minutes for Lexa to speak again, she wasn't quite sure why she wanted Abby to know, but, somehow, it just felt right. “I wasn't always so.. Stoic, I guess you could call me.” Lexa gave a short huff before she continued. “When I was younger, before I was named Commander, I lived my life like any other child, who was training to become a warrior. I guess I was always getting into trouble, I was a wild child. I could never sit still, I wanted to know everything and how everything worked. I often got into fights with the other children, I was very stubborn and I had this need to be right, I wanted to win. You could say I was outgoing, always ready for a laugh.” Abby listened with rapt attention, she had never expected Lexa to open up, never expected Lexa to talk about her past, her childhood. Abby sat completely still, in silence, not wanting to spook Lexa, not wanting her to stop.

“One day, when I was twelve, I met a girl my age. She was not training to be a warrior, so I couldn't just fight her, when she continued to challenge me. At that point, a lot had given up arguing with me, I always tented to win, one way or the other. But I couldn't win over this girl. She kept arguing with me, and I found her really irritating and a know-it-all. She made me so mad.“ Lexa said with a fond smile, though it didn't quite reach her sad eyes. She gace a low chuckle, as she continued. “Even though she wouldn't bow down to my infinite wisdom, I couldn't stay away from her. And even though I wouldn't admit it to myself, she made me think about things, she made me question things, and I started to not take things at face value. This went on for a while, her arguing with me and me being unable to keep away from her.”

Lexa had almost forgotten Abby was there, as she told her about her childhood, about this irritating girl. Lexa wasn't even seeing Abby, or the tent, she was watching scenes play out in front of her, she was remembering.

“This went on for a while, and as we became closer, became friends, I got into less and less trouble. I learned to handle more of my problems with words instead of fists. I was advancing quickly in skills, and when I was thirteen, Anya chose me as her Second. She was an excellent teacher, I learned a lot from her in a short time. Not long after that, just before I turned fourteen, we were out on a hunting trip. We caught the trail of a huge boar, and I managed to kill it, though not before it caught me in the side and swung me hard into a tree, so I lost consciousness. When I woke up, I was on a cot in the Healer's Hut, and the girl, my friend, was there, holding my hand in both of hers. I remember that the first thing I asked, was if I got it, the boar.” Lexa chuckled again, though her eyes were still sad. Abby could sense that this wasn't just any childhood story, this meant a lot to Lexa, and Abby felt privileged to be on the receiving end of her tale.

“The girl punched me in the arm, she seemed so mad, and I couldn't understand why. I was a hunter, a warrior, and we got hurt, it was not a big deal. The important thing was if I had managed to kill the boar. So I asked her why she seemed so mad. She told me that she was mad because I had almost gotten myself killed, and she could not loose me. I was still confused, but then she leaned down and kissed me. It was just a quick press of her lips to mine, before she stood, warned me not to do anything so reckless again, and then she ran from the hut. It took me a week to get up on my feet again. She came every day and talked to me about the things that went on in the village. We never talked about it, but every time she left, she would kiss me. At first I was confused, but then I started to look forward to feeling her lips against mine.”

Abby could remember her own first love, though she was older than Lexa had been, so she hadn't been as confused, she knew she had feelings for this boy. Hearing Lexa's story made Abby miss Jake. She tore away from the sorrow and guilt, not wanting to miss Lexa's words.

“One day, a couple of weeks after, I asked Anya why I suddenly felt so nervous around my friend. We hadn't kissed since I had been out of the Healer's Hut, but I wanted to. I told Anya what had happened and asked what I should do. Things had gotten awkward between me and the girl, and I wanted to fix it. Anya told me about love, about feelings, then she told me about sex. At first I was embarrassed but then my need to know things prompted my curiosity. I had heard people talk about love and sex, but I had not really felt the need to ask about it. Not until my friend kissed me and I felt a flutter in my stomach. After Anya's explanation and talking to her about my feelings, it all made sense: I was in love with my friend. I sought her out, to talk to her, but I wasn't able to get any words out. So I did the next best thing, and I leaned in and kissed her, really kissed her. I remember that I had never felt anything like what she made me feel. I told her about my feelings and she told me about her's. We became inseparable after that.”

It hurt to remember, but, somehow, it felt freeing to tell Abby this tale. She hadn't really told anyone before, the people in her life that knew about it had been there, so there hadn't been a need to tell it. But once she had started, she couldn't stop the flow of words.

“I had never been shy, so I didn't care who knew we were together, I was proud to call her mine. A year after that, when I turned fifteen, I was named Commander. I had been training all my life and I felt ready. She moved with me, into the Commander lodgings, and she held me and let my cry, when I got home after having taken my first life. I didn't like killing, I never have, and she understood that. She also understood that sometimes it was necessary, and she helped me accept that. She made me better. Life was good. I had command over an army, I won battle after battle, and I had my girl, the one person I loved more than anything, beside me. I was on top of the world. I got a couple of the other clans into an alliance, convincing them we were stronger together than separate. It had taken a couple of years, but by the time I turned seventeen, I had four clans under my command.”

Abby was impressed, that a child, even a born leader like Lexa, could get grown men and women to follow her lead and call her Commander.

“We had had problems with this clan, The Ice Nation, for a while. They had a lot of warriors, and their Queen was notorious for wanting to expand her territory, by any means necessary. She had sent her army to one of her neighboring clans, to conquer it. I had to help my ally, so I took most of my army and rode out to war. It was a swift battle, there had been less warriors than expected. It wasn't until we were on our way back, that a rider met us. He told me that my village had been attacked and that my love had been taken. I was furious. I gathered my army and we rode after them.”

Lexa's hands was clenching hard, her knuckles had turned white, her voice had gone cold and her eyes were angry. Abby could feel the anger rolling off of Lexa, and her stomach dropped, she dreaded hearing the end of Lexa's story.

“We caught up to them, but we were too late. They had tortured her, for days, in hopes of getting to know my secrets. But she didn't know anything. She wasn't part of my Council, she wasn't a warrior. She was just mine. So when she couldn't tell them anything, couldn't handle any more torture, they hung her body on display, with her head on a spear in front of it, as a welcome present to me.”

Lexa was shaking, the emotions coming back to her. Abby felt for Lexa, to have seen her love displayed like that, and she had been so young.

“I completely lost it, I killed anything and anyone in my path to get to the Ice Nation Queen. My army and I annihilated everything in my path for revenge. I finally got to her, to the Queen. My sorrow had been overtaken by blind hatred, I wanted revenge. So I killed the Queen with my bare hands. I slowly squeezed the life out of her. I wanted to slaughter everyone who was part of The Ice Nation clan, but Anya finally managed to get through to me, telling me that she, my love, would not have wanted me to do this, she would have wanted me to show mercy for those who were innocent. Anya was right, she would not have wanted what I had done to avenge her. I have never felt more disgusted with myself, than I did in that moment, covered in the blood of all those I had slaughtered.”

Tears were silently rolling down Lexa's cheeks, yet she didn't even notice them. Abby was completely speechless. Never had she imagined this outcome. 

Lexa wasn't done, however. “Her name was Costia, the girl I had loved since I was twelve. The girl I had been with since I was fourteen. She had been mine, completely, for four years. I had always thought that we would grow old together, have a good life, even though most Commanders don't tend live all that long. I had hopes and dreams, all featuring her. But those dreams, those hopes, had been ripped away from me by a greedy Queen. My beloved Costia had been taken from me, and I had lost myself in the hunt for blood. I swore that I would never let anyone get close to me again. I would never open my heart to love again, because love was weakness. Love wasn't happiness, love was pain. So I closed myself off, I build heavy walls, and put all my efforts into pursuing to unite all the clans, so something like that could never happen again.”

Lexa took a deep breath to settle herself and get control over her emotions. She had only told Clarke this story, no one else had ever heard those words. It had been easier to tell, the second time around, though.

“And I had succeeded, closing myself off, until this persistent young, blonde woman walked into my tent and demanded mercy.” A smile came over Lexa's lips. “For three years I had managed to keep everyone out, but I couldn't keep Clarke out. She kept worming her way inside my walls and shattered my defenses. She saw right through me. In some ways she reminds me of Costia, but in many ways she is so different from her.”

Lexa lifted her eyes and caught Abby's for the first time since she had started telling her story. “So you see, Abby, Clarke means more to me than you will ever truly know. And, while I have done some vile things, I am older and wiser now. I hope that this doesn't make you think less of me. I admire you a great deal. You are a great healer and a kind leader. You have been a good mother to Clarke, raised her to be strong and independent. We have all done things we regret, we have done things we would not normally do, because it was the only thing we could do, to be ably to survive. There are times I wish I was not the Commander, that I could just live my life, but I have a duty to my People, a duty to be the best leader that I can be. Clarke understands that, she is a leader herself, and we talk about things. She makes me want to talk about things, even though it is difficult for me.”

Lexa felt open and vulnerable, having told Abby about her past. She hoped that Abby would understand her better, and not judge her for the actions of a broken seventeen year old. Abby could see the uncertainty in Lexa's eyes. Of all the things that might have happened to Lexa, this was not what Abby had thought about, and she a strong urge to comfort the other woman. She was sure Lexa wouldn't be receptive to a hug, so Abby held out her hand, palm up on the table, in an invitation to Lexa. She would let Lexa make the choice to accept her comfort.

It took a few moments for Lexa to decide, she looked at the outstretched hand, unsure what to do. Should she show even more weakness, be vulnerable, and accept the offer, or should she be strong and and reject Abby's offered comfort. Then she remembered that she loved Clarke, and that love wasn't weakness. That accepting comfort wasn't necessarily equal to showing weakness.

So Lexa put her hand in Abby's, and met her eyes. Abby's eyes shone with warmth and she gently squeezed Lexa's hand. Lexa took a shaking breath, this feeling was still new to her, but she felt a little bit of her old self returning to her. A small piece of her was being healed. She smiled at Abby and squeezed back. Accepting comfort wasn't bad, and she felt that she had bonded with Abby, with Clarke's mother.

They sat like that, with hands clasped, for a while. Lexa was taking the comfort to settle her emotions, and Abby was processing what Lexa had told her. Abby could sense that Lexa had been afraid that she would think less of her, but it had the opposite effect. Abby was in awe of Lexa, that she had come out on the other side of such a loss and lead her people be live in relative peace, or close to it. That she had closed herself off, only letting Clarke break through her defenses.

What Abby saw in Lexa, was a strong woman, a strong leader, who had to put her people before herself. It took true strength to be able to carry on, as Lexa had done. It must have been a lonely life, since she had lost Costia, refusing to let anyone get close. It made Abby respect her even more.

Their musings were disrupted by the sudden entrance of Clarke. Abby noticed that Lexa completely melted at the sight of Clarke, only to instantly spring up from her chair, a concerned expression on her face, as she noticed Clarke's upset demeanor.

Clarke immediately halted at seeing her mother in Lexa's tent, she had expected to either find Lexa alone, or the tent to be empty. It only took seconds for Lexa's arms to be wrapped around her and for Clarke to seek comfort in the crook of Lexa's neck, inhaling her familiar scent. Lexa kissed the top of her head and tightened her arms around Clarke, both getting comfort from their embrace.

Abby, who had stood as Lexa had charged towards Clarke, was observing the scene before her. She was concerned about what had happened to make Clarke upset, but she no longer had any doubts about Lexa's feelings for Clarke. It was evident that Lexa could take care of Clarke, when needed, that Lexa loved her daughter. It was almost like an aura, shining from the couple, that they loved each other. Abby hoped, that whatever else happened, that the two of them would be okay and come out on the other side, stronger. The sight of them, in their tight embrace, gave Abby hope that maybe she could find someone to love, again.

“What happened?” Abby heard Lexa ask. It wasn't easy to hear Clarke's answer, her head were buried in Lexa's neck, but she caught the words anyway. “Raven knows. And she wasn't happy.”

Clarke disentangled herself from Lexa and proceeded to walk back and forth, her hands waving animatedly, as she told Lexa and Abby what had happened with Raven. 

_Clarke was finishing up taking stock at what medical supplies Mount Weather had, when Raven found her. “Hey, Clarke, you almost done here? I could use a break and something to eat. You down with that?” Clarke straightened her back and heard several pops, she had been bend over crates for too long. She turned towards Raven, who hovered at the door. “Uhh.. Yeah. Just give a minute, I'm almost done here.” Clarke returned to the crate. Raven took a seat on top of one of the closed crates, and waited for Clarke to be done._

_Raven fiddled with her leg brace, still not completely used to it. Though, it had gotten better when she had made some more adjustments on it, it had stopped pinching and she could go longer without too much of a limp._

_Raven was getting restless, so she broke the silence. “Soo, haven't seen too much of you, the last couple of days. Are the Grounders being obstinate? Those meetings can drag on, can't they?” Raven asked, it had been a couple of days since she had last spoken to Clarke. It hadn't been necessary for Raven to attend the meetings. She was glad to be free of them, she had better things to do._

_“They can be a bit heavy to dance with, but some of them are warming up to us.” Clarke answered, while she jutted down numbers on a clipboard. “I could do with shorter meetings, though, there's not much time for sleeping.” She sighed out. Raven could see that Clarke appeared tired, but she also seemed more relaxed than Raven had ever seen her._

_“Yeah, where're you sleeping, anyways? I haven't really seen you around our tents, have I?” Raven furrowed her brows and scrunched her nose, trying to remember if she had seen Clarke at morning or night time, at the tents where most of the Sky People slept._

_“No, I'm.. errmm.. I'm sleeping in Lexa's tent.” Clarke put the clipboard down and turned to face Raven. She was unsure of how Raven would take the news of her being with Lexa. Clarke new that Raven hadn't forgiven Lexa for what happened to Finn, she had only just begun to be friendly with Clarke._

_Raven let out a laugh at Clarke's words. “So, what, you're fucking her?” It was clearly meant as a joke, the teasing tone and easy smirk gave it away. But as Raven observed Clarke's serious expression and straightened back, the smirk quickly melted away, to be replaced with fury and disgust. “You're fucking her!? Clarke, what the hell! After what she did, what you had to do! And now you're her, what? Bed warmer!? That's fucking disgusting!” Raven was beyond pissed. All the feelings surrounding Finn and his death came crushing back. She could feel her blood boil and her lungs fighting for air. Her hands shook, and she clenched them. She felt the urge to punch Clarke._

_“Raven, it's not like that.” Clarke wanted to explain, wanted Raven to understand her intense feelings. She had missed her friend, and had been glad that Raven had been warming up to her again. “You have to understand, I love her. And she loves me too.” Raven gave a huff. “Bullshit.” “She gets me, Raven. I didn't expect it to happen, but I can't ignore what my heart tells me.” Clarke took a few steps closer, to where Raven had stoop up from the crate, only to stop as Raven backed away._

_“Bullshit! She's just using you, can't you see that? She can't love, she's a stone cold killer. Are you so blinded by her power and looks, that you can't see that? Is she that good a fuck?” Deep down, Raven knew that Clarke wasn't like that, wasn't one to care about power, but right now logic wasn't penetrating her hurt feelings and momentary blind hatred. She hadn't really been dealing with everything that had happened since her space walk, since Finn went to prison, since coming to earth and finding Finn had fallen for Clarke, since watching Clarke take a knife to his gut. She had been pulling everything to the back of her mind, dealing with feelings wasn't her strong suit. But now everything came crashing down on her, and she directed it all towards Lexa, and to an extent, Clarke._

_Clarke took a step closer to Raven, and raised her hands in front of her. “Please, listen to me. Lexa is not some coldhearted, ruthless, power hungry killer, she's not! We talk. She tells me things. And, Raven, she's so gentle with me, she is. The Grounder ways can be harsh, but that is how they've survived all this long. They have strict rules and ways, but so have we! We had too, or we wouldn't have survived that long, up on The Ark.” Clarke was begging for Raven to understand._

_Raven was shaking her head at Clarke's words, refusing to believe any of them. “Finn didn't really matter to you at all, did he? He was just a good fuck, was that it? And when he was gone, you just moved on to the next, didn't you?!” Tears were starting to make their way down Raven's cheeks. She angrily wiped them away._

_“I did have feelings for him, he wasn't just.. He meant something to me, Raven, but it wasn't love. I know you loved him, and I wish he had told me about you, I really do. I would never had started anything with him, had I known. But he didn't tell me, and he was there and it felt good to escape the terror, for a little while. And maybe I could have loved him, but I didn't get the chance to get to know him, not like you did.” Clarke's eyes caught Raven's, for a second before Raven tore her eyes away, and Clarke saw how broken she was, behind all the anger._

_“But, Raven, he massacred eighteen defenseless people, and he did it for me.” Clarke's voice broke and tears were falling from her eyes, but she continued. “He killed people because he thought they had me.” Clarke took a shaking breath. “I knew what would happen to him, when they caught him. I know, now, that there was nothing Lexa could have done. Had she let him go, the coalition would have collapsed, war would have broken out and we would all be dead. She let me say goodbye to him, and she made it so I was not punished.”Clarke took another step towards Raven, pleased when she didn't move away._

_“He was my only family.” Raven whispered, she slumped her shoulders as most of the anger left her, only to be replaced with grief. “He was all I had left.”_

_“I am so, so sorry. I really, truly am. They were going to torture him, Raven, I had no choice. I had to do something. Every time I close my eyes, I see it, I see his blood on my hands, I hear his voice, thanking me. He was so scared and I couldn't do anything. He thanked me, Raven.” They were both crying, as intense feelings came up to the surface and refused to be pushed aside. They hadn't really talked about the whole situation, it had been to painful for Clarke, and Raven hadn't been ready to deal with it._

_“I have to live with what I did, even if I did it to spare him..” Clarke's voice was laced with tears. Raven couldn't lift her eyes from the floor. After a moments silence, Clarke spoke again, she desperately wanted Raven to understand that her feelings for Lexa was real. She took a calming breath._

_“There was nothing I could do, so I chose the lesser evil. As much as it pains me, as much as it haunts me, I made a choice. That's all we can do, to survive. That's what it means to be a leader, you have to make the hard choices, no matter how much pain it brings. And Lexa understands that, she have been leading her people for a long time. She have lost so much, have had to give up things, to do what was best for her people. I have done the same. It's lonely and it hurts.” Clarke sat down on the crate Raven had used, the energy had been drained from her._

_“You have to believe me, I wasn't looking for it, I never expected it to happen. But, from the moment I met her, I felt this.. this pull. The Lexa you know, that most people know, is just a mask. She is the Commander, she has to appear untouchable, has to appear strong and unfaltering. But, Raven, she is so much more than that. She is kind and thoughtful and so, so gentle. I know she's not just using me, I can see it in her eyes, feel it in her touch. I love her, and I truly believe she loves me.” Raven lifted her head and looked at Clarke. She still had anger and mistrust towards Lexa, but she couldn't ignore how sincere Clarke sounded, couldn't ignore the soft smile on her lips, as she spoke about Lexa._

_“But we are leaders, we can't afford to live like others do. We can't afford, Lexa can't afford to show weakness, not after what happened to.. Not after.. The alliance is still fragile, some of the clans still don't trust us. They only listen to Lexa because they know what happened when... They listen to her because she's a damn good leader and she wants nothing more than peace between the clans.”_

_Clarke got up and stood before Raven. She wanted to reach out and touch the other woman, but she knew that Raven wouldn't be susceptible to her touch right now._

_“Lexa's not the bad guy. We want to build a better world, one without violence. But it takes time. There are outside dangers, and they have to be dealt with. The Grounders have survived for a hundred years, but they have had to be hard, be warriors. We all do things we don't want to, in order to survive. But, please believe me, Lexa means me no harm. You don't have to forgive her, or me.” Clarke's voices faltered, but she continued. “Just know that I have nothing but respect for you and I'm proud to, hopefully, call you my friend.” At her last words, Clarke put her hand on Raven's crossed arms, squeezed gently, before removing it again, letting it hang limply down her side. Her eyes were honest and pleading with Raven._

_They stood like that, in front of each other, one guarded, one open. They had intense eye contact, one scrutinizing, one pleading._

_After several moments of silence, Raven spoke. “I don't know, Clarke. I'm gonna... I'm not sure.. I'll need some time to think.” With that, she turned around and walked away, leaving Clarke standing in the empty room, surrounded by crates full of medical supplies._

When Clarke was done recounting what had happened, Abby got up and went over to hug Clarke. Clarke sought comfort in her mother's embrace, calming down. Abby let go of Clarke and kissed her on her forehead, before she spoke. “I'm sorry she reacted the way she did.” Clarke interrupted her mother. “No, yeah, I know. It sucks, but I understand where she's coming from. I just hope I haven't lost a friend.”

Abby put her hands on the side of Clarke's face. “It's gonna be okay, she just needs some time. All this have been a lot to deal with, coming down here, loosing Finn, everything. It's not something you just deal with over night. You both need time to heal. You have Lexa.” Abby looked over at Lexa, getting a nod of confirmation, before her eyes focused on Clarke again. “I will go talk to Raven, it sounds like she could use a friend, right now, someone who understands. Will you be okay?” She asked. Clarke nodded and hugged Abby, before Abby walked out of the tent, in search of Raven.

Lexa, who was sitting on a chair at the table, scooted the chair backwards to make room, and indicated for Clarke to come over to her. Clarke did. She straddled Lexa's thighs, and melted into her arms. It felt so good to be close to Lexa, to feel her arms wrap around her, protectively. Clarke could take care of herself, but sometimes it felt good to have someone as strong and protective and gentle as Lexa.

“Can we just sit here, just you and me, just for a little while?” Clarke mumbled into Lexa's neck. Lexa hummed in affirmation, and began to draw her hands up and down Clarke's back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a lot of dialogue, or rather monologue, but I felt the need to have the characters actually say all the things, instead of me being omnipresent and having them think it. Clarke and Raven still have a lot of feelings about what happened to Finn, and they need to deal with it.
> 
> I hope you liked it. And I hoped you liked Lexa's tale about Costia, Tehulla send me a crying emoji hehe.


	8. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, the chapter's super late and super short. Explanation at the end. I hope you like it anyways :) (Also it's unbeta'ed)

Abby didn't have to search for long, to find Raven. She found her in Raven's tent, tinkering away, with slumped shoulders and angry movements.

Normally, when Raven had a lot on her mind, she could quieten the thoughts by fixing or building something, the way the world disappeared when she had tools in her hands, was often welcome. Raven liked to zone out and concentrate wholly on a project, she didn't like being alone with her thoughts. In this instance, however, she couldn't properly concentrate on the task at hand, her mind continued to play her fight with Clarke, on repeat.

She was angry at Clarke, she was. Though, if Raven was being honest, and she really didn't like to be, she was angry at Finn. She was angry at herself. If she was being completely honest, she wasn't mad that Clarke was seeing Lexa, not really. Raven was angry, because it had brought up feelings she had buried deep within, feelings that hurt, feelings she didn't want to deal with.

For such a long time, Finn had been her only family, he had helped her when her mother had used Raven's food rations and traded them for alcohol. Finn had shared his food with her, he had always been ready with a hug and encouraging words. It had only felt natural, to Raven, when their relationship evolved romantically and physically. Raven had always loved Finn, had always been grateful, had always been in love with him. She had always thought he loved her back, the same way. 

Now, she wasn't so sure. She had no doubt that Finn had loved her, he wouldn't have done all the things he had done for her if he hadn't. But had he been in love with her?

Before Raven had gone down to Earth, she had been completely, without a doubt, 100% sure that her and Finn's love would last for a long, long time. How young she had been, how delusional. Teenage love rarely end up being Great Love of the Ages. They usually ended in heartbreak. And Raven's first love had certainly ended up on the worst side of the scales.

Raven could understand that Finn thought he would never see her again. She could understand that people acted in stressed situations. She could even understand that you are not in control of your feelings, that they had a way to sneak up on you when you least expect them too. Raven was pretty smart, and she knew people had a tendency to act before they thought. She knew and understood all that.

What she couldn't understand, what really hurt her, was that it had barely been days, and Finn had cast her aside and never mentioned her. Finn had laid eyes on Clarke and instantly forgot about her. After all the years they had spend together, had, supposedly, loved each other, Finn had seen Clarke's fire and cast aside Raven, like she had never existed.

Raven could not, did not, blame Clarke for any of it. Finn never told Clarke that he was in a relationship, that Raven existed. Clarke didn't knew, so she couldn't be blamed, and when Clarke did find out, she backed off.

No, the whole blame laid on Finn. When Raven had come down in that pod, he had acted like nothing, like he hadn't forgotten about her, like he hadn't been screwing Clarke. He acted like he hadn't cheated on her, like he wouldn't rather be with Clarke. He was so blinded, by a girl he barely knew, that he massacred eighteen defenseless people.

Finn had always presented himself as a good, selfless guy, a guy that could be counted on, a guy to be trusted. And maybe he really had believed he was such a good guy. He had himself, and everybody else, fooled. He had a darkness, buried inside of him. When he had let out a tiny bit of that darkness, he had blown the lid off.

Raven was angry at herself, for falling for Finn's charming face and gentle ways. She was angry at herself, for not seeing what a guy he really was, and he was not such a good guy that he wanted everyone to think he was. She was angry at herself, for letting him break her heart. She was so, so angry that she wasn't really angry at all. She was hurt. She was hurt, and anger masked the pain.

She flung the screwdriver, the one she had been holding on so tightly that her knuckles had turned white, across her worktable. Raven didn't care where it landed, she needed to move, to do something, anything, to get her emotions under control. She rose from her stool and turned, ready to leave her tent, when she spotted Abby, standing just inside, with a concerned look on her face.

Neither woman moved or said anything, they just held eye contact, for a minute. Raven was trying her hardest to quell the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks, but the longer she looked Abby in the eyes, the harder it became.

As soon as the first tear slid from her eyes, Raven felt Abby move forward and engulf her in her arms. When Raven felt Abby's warmth surround her and breathed in her scent, the dam broke, and tears started to pour out.

Raven clung to Abby, needing the contact, needing to feel something grounding her, as she sobbed into Abby's shoulder. Abby didn't move or say anything, she just continued to hold Raven tight, letting her cry. Her heart ached for the young woman in her arms, she wanted nothing more than to take her pain away.

After, what was probably closer to an hour than thirty minutes, Raven started to calm down. Abby had maneuvered then to Raven's bed, where she sat with Raven's head in her lap, stroking her hair and running soothing patterns along her back.

It took a while, Abby didn't pressure Raven to talk, she just continued her gently movements, before Abby hears Raven's raspy voice whisper out. “You knew about them, didn't you?” Raven doesn't move, she keeps her back to Abby, keeps her head in Abby's lap. Raven's question didn't sound accusatory, she just sounded tired. “Yes, I knew about them.” Abby answered, her voice quiet. 

A few minutes go past, before Raven ask another question. “How long?” Abby spend a second debating with herself, about how much she should tell Raven. “Since the night after the battle. I had no idea that feelings were building between them, I think they just culminated that night.” Raven gave a non-committal hum, as she thought about Abby's words. “Is she good for her?” Raven could feel Abby's smile, could hear the small sigh she gave. “Yes, I believe she is very good for her, I think they're good for each other. I saw it in Lexa's eyes, that night. She's in love with Clarke. Lexa have been through so much, they both have, but I think they understand each other. I think they're helping each other to heal.”

The silence returned, as Raven processed. She didn't move, and Abby continued to run her fingers through Raven's hair. 

Sitting there, with Raven so emotional in her lap, she had only felt this comfortable with two people in her life. One of them was Clarke, she would do anything for her daughter. The other person had been her husband. She had loved him and he had loved her. It had been over a year since he had been floated, and she finally thought about letting him go. She still felt guilty, guilty that she had trusted a supposedly good friend, guilty that she hadn't done more to save him, to save Clarke. But she couldn't keep feeling like this for the rest of her life, she needed to live, to have a life. And now that the battle was over and the Trikru had begun to, more or less, accepting the Sky People into their clan, Abby finally felt like hope was coming back, that there were a future to be had.

As Raven processed, she soaked up Abby's gentles touches. Raven thought about Clarke's pleas, how Clarke had said that Lexa was gentle with her. It was an image Raven couldn't picture. The Lexa that Raven knew was stoic, hard, cold and tough, she bellowed out orders and her People followed them. Lexa was probably one of the best warriors they had, could kill a person in so many ways. She couldn't reconcile that image with Clarke's words of a gentle, talkative, passionate Lexa. But then again, Raven had pretty much avoided contact with Lexa, had avoided any and all eye contact. She had looked in every direction, except Lexa's. Raven had avoided her and never taken the time to think that there might be more to her.

She had never bothered to think about what kind of life Lexa may have had, how a woman so young could be the leader of a whole People. She thought about Abby's words, about Lexa having been through so much, and about what Clarke had alluded to about Lexa's past. 

A thought hit her, making Raven frown. What if Lexa was like her, what if she put up walls, kept people at arms length. Raven had a hard time letting people in, she had been hurt so many times. She knew how tiring it could be, keeping people out. Raven had had weeks to observe Grounder culture, and what she had seen, what the Grounders had shown, was that it was a tough culture. But what if they were different behind closed doors, in their villages, without outsiders threatening them, without war looming over them. What if they were just people, like the people from The Ark was. Different cultures had different ways of expressing themselves.

Several minutes went by, both women lost in their individual thoughts. Raven reached behind her and grasped hold of Abby's hand, lacing their fingers. “Okay.” She said, her voice still raspy and low, but more sure and determined. Abby, jolted from her thoughts by Raven's low voice, frowned and looked down at the woman in her lap. “Okay?” She asked, confused about what Raven meant. Raven raised her head and sat up, still holding on to Abby's hand, and made eye contact. “Okay.” She simply said again, sounding more sure.

Abby studied Raven's face, trying to ascertain her meaning. Raven's eyes were red and her face was puffy and dried tear streaks ran down and across her face, but she looked more at peace than Abby had seen her in a long time.

Raven managed a small, sincere, smile and squeezed Abby's hand. “I.. Thank you.” Raven said, as she looked away from Abby's eyes, she was not good at sharing her feelings, being vulnerable. “Thank you for being here, for me. I uhmm... It's okay, now.. I'm good.. And uhm.. Ya know, I'll talk to Clarke about.. I'll talk to her.”

Abby continued to study Raven, wanting to be sure that she was okay. Raven's shoulders seemed lighter, and Abby could see that most of the anger and some of the hurt had lessened, in her eyes. Something had shifted in Raven, something major. Raven was on the road to healing. Abby 's hand squeezed back, drawing Raven's eyes back up to Abby's. “I will always be here for you, Raven, whatever you need, okay?”

Raven could hear the sincerity in Abby's voice, could see the honesty in her eyes. It warmed her heart to know that she had someone in her corner, someone she trusted. Raven wasn't sure what to say, so she nodded, as her cheeks grew warm.

They sat like that, holding hands and staring into each other's eyes, for what probably felt longer than it really was. A noise, outside Raven's tent, startled them, and Abby slowly stood up, still holding on to Raven's hand.

“I should go back to work, are you sure you're okay?” Abby's voice was laced with concern and she seemed reluctant to leave, something Raven normally found very annoying, she could take care of herself. But the way that Abby seemed to care, made something flutter, inside Raven.

Raven got up, with a little help from Abby, and smiled a genuine smile. “Yes, Abby, I'm really okay. You should go, I also have to get back to work.” Raven leaned in and pulled Abby into a bone crushing hug, which Abby reciprocated. “Thank you.” Raven whispered into Abby's ear. “You're welcome.” Abby whispered back, sending chills down Raven's back.

They let go of each other, Abby taking a step back, but still not leaving. Raven wasn't sure she really wanted her to leave, but they both had a job to do, and Raven needed a bit more time to sort out her thoughts. “Now, get outta here, so a woman can work in peace.” Raven chuckled out, pointing to the tent's exit, with a playful smirk tugging at her lips.

“Okay, okay, I can feel when I'm not welcome.” Abby laughed out. “You're so bossy.” She added, with a wicked glint in her eyes, as she turned and walked out. “That's right, I'm the boss.” Abby heard Raven yell after her, as she exited, and chuckled.

Despite the emotionally draining hours since lunch, with Lexa's story and Raven's breakdown, Abby didn't feel as tired as she thought she would. The knowledge that Raven was on the path to healing, had brightened her day, and she returned to her work, a small smile fixed on her face.

 

It had been another long and emotionally draining day, and Clarke wanted nothing more than to curl up with Lexa and sleep for a week. People had been coming up to her all day, each with different problems that Clarke had to make decisions on. It was taxing, having to have an opinion on everything and make the right decisions and deal with the other side in a diplomatic way. If nobody asked her for her opinion on anything again, it would be too soon. Clarke was sure that if even Lexa just asked if she wanted a glass of water, her head would explode.

Clarke entered their tent, she didn't think of it as Lexa's tent anymore, and stood in the middle, too tired to even take off her jacket or just sit down on one of the chairs. Clarke had no idea how long she stood there, when she heard someone enter the tent, walk over to her and sneak their arms around her waist from behind, the person melding into her stiff form.

Clarke didn't even have the energy to properly react, she just closed her eyes, as tired tears started to leak and roll down her cheeks. Her breath started to hitch, and Clarke felt the person turn her around. She opened her eyes and met Lexa's worried ones, Lexa's hands moving to gently cup her face. “What's wrong, Clarke?” Lexa's low voice was like a soothing balm over scraped knees. Clarke closed her eyes again and drew in a shaky breath, before she answered. “I'm just.. so.. **tired**.” She managed to sigh out, eyes still closed.

Lexa drew her into a gentle embrace, cradling the back of her head. Clarke couldn't even lift her arms, but she buried her head in the crook of Lexa's neck, inhaling her musky scent. This was home, Clarke thought, I'm home. Lexa held her close for a long time, letting Clarke draw strength from her, enjoying having her in her arms, even if Clarke was close to collapsing.

Several minutes went by before Lexa drew back from Clarke, took her by the hands and let her to the back, to their bed. They stood beside the bed and Lexa gently began to disrobe Clarke, taking everything, but her tank top and underpants, off. She then quickly threw her own clothes off, and climbed into bed, pulling Clarke with her.

Clarke was like a robot, she had no energy to say or do anything, so she just let Lexa maneuver her around. Even in her state of no brain activity, she knew Lexa would take care of her, would never do anything to hurt her. Clarke had complete trust in Lexa, in their love for each other.

The next thing Clarke registered, was laying on her side with Lexa curled around her back, a protective arm over her waist, the fingers laced with her own between her breasts. Her legs were intertwined with Lexa's and she felt Lexa drop a slow kiss behind her ear and felt the breath of her whispers on the back of her neck, before sleep completely overtook her. “I've got you, Clarke. You can sleep now, I've got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been SO stressed, that I have major trouble with focussing enough to write.  
> The school I had applied to was over two weeks late in giving out their answers, and that stressed me out because if I got in, I would have to move across the country to Copenhagen, the capital, and I would have to try and scrape some money together and find a place to live. As it happened, they didn't have enough spaces for everyone, so I didn't get in. Now I'm stressing about what I have to do now.
> 
> I know some of you have said I shouldn't, but I do feel super bad that I haven't been able to write and give you a proper chapter. And I know it shouldn't, and it's just me putting pressure on myself, but I am also stressing at being too stressed to write. My brain is weird, but it's like me stressing over it makes it even harder to focus enough to write, if that even makes sense?
> 
> I'll say it again, though: I will not abandon this story, as I love it very much and have some long term plans for some of the characters and other characters will be coming in to play, further down the road. As it is, my stress level is high and my energy level is low, and again, I can't promise when new chapters will pop up. 
> 
> The chapter is short, because I just couldn't go any longer without giving you guys something.


	9. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while, but here's the next chapter. I think it turned out pretty good :)
> 
> This is unbeta'ed, but I have gotten myself a new beta. He just have to watch (most) of the show and read my fic, other than the first chapter.

Chapter 7 (3897 words)

When Lexa woke the next morning, she was still curled protectively around Clarke, with Clarke's fingers laced with her's. She smiled and buried her face in Clarke's neck, and took a deep breath. Even with Clarke's hair tickling her mercilessly, Lexa was right where she wanted to be, and she did not want to ever leave.

“I want to stay here forever.” Clarke's sleep laced mumble shook Lexa out of her similar thoughts. She hummed in response, and tightened her arms around Clarke, pulling her further into her own body. “Mmmm.. you feel nice.” Clarke sighed out.

The two women lied there, soaking up the closeness and warmth, for several minutes. Neither of them wanted to move, but knew that they soon should think about getting up.

“How are you feeling, Clarke?” Lexa broke the comfortable silence, wanting to know how Clarke was doing, after how stressed and tired she had been the night before. Clarke turned around in Lexa's arms. Getting her hair out of the way, she met Lexa's eyes, and a contented smile spread out on her face. She leaned in and captured Lexa's soft lips in a long and gentle kiss.

Clarke moved her arm, so she was cradling Lexa's head in her hand, as she molded her body to Lexa's. Their lips languidly gliding against each other, as they tightened their embrace and tangled their legs together. 

Clarke maneuvered Lexa onto her back and settled on top of her, between Lexa's legs. As Clarke deepened their kiss, Lexa's hands crept up her back, under her tank top. 

Lexa's hands roamed Clarke's back, switching between gently running her fingertips over smooth skin, to scratching her short nails down Clarke's back, as their kisses deepened, tongues danced and teeth nipped. Clarke couldn't decide which of the two drove her the most wild, she just knew she was becoming insanely turned on.

At a certain point, Lexa was gently scraping the back of Clarke's neck with one hand, as the other was playing with her nipple, under her tank top, Clarke couldn't take it anymore. She was on her knees, grinding her core on one of Lexa's thighs, but it wasn't enough, she needed more, she needed to be touched. Clarke grasped the hand that was, so deliciously, rolling her nipple between long fingers, and showed their hands into her underwear.

As she guided Lexa's fingers to where she needed them the most, her eyes rolled back into her skull and she let out a long low moan. Lexa, whose left hand was still scratching the back of Clarke's neck, grabbed a handful of hair, and drew Clarke down and into a scorching kiss. Lexa really needed to feel Clarke's lips against her own, she also needed to swallow the moans Clarke was letting out.

Lexa could feel Clarke's urgency in her rough, but small, movements. She was content to keep letting Clarke guide her fingers, finding it insanely arousing to let Clarke, almost, use her this way. Clarke's knee was pressing against Lexa's warm core, and she was grinding against it, feeling herself edge closer and closer to release, as she felt Clarke's movements becoming more erratic.

It didn't take Clarke long to reach climax, Lexa's long, slim fingers felt so good inside her. The way she was holding Lexa's wrist, meant she was grinding her clit against her own hand as she was riding Lexa's fingers. Clarke was thankful for Lexa having such a tight grip on her hair and keeping their mouths together, so she could swallow Clarke's, not too quiet, moans.

Clarke's abdominal muscles tensed and she froze her movements, as her orgasm rolled over her in small waves. A low groan escaped her mouth, only to get lost on Lexa's tongue, as Clarke continued to twitch against Lexa's hand.

In the end she couldn't handle any more stimulation, so she tore Lexa's finger's out of her, and slumped down on top of Lexa, heaving after air. Lexa wiped her fingers in the blankets, before drawing Clarke into a tight embrace, whispering sweet nothings into her ear and kissing her sweat damped temple.

Lexa was letting Clarke gather herself and enjoy her afterglow, while trying to ignore the burning desire she felt between her own legs.

“Wow... Just... Holy wow, I needed that!” Clarke raised her head and captured Lexa's lips, needing the intimate contact, reassurance and calmness, kissing Lexa always brought her. She let Lexa's lips go, and raised herself up enough to put her weight on her elbows, and looked into Lexa's eyes, seeing her dilated pupils. 

“I really love you, so much.. Now, let me return the favor.” Clarke said, with a mischievous glint in her eyes, and shifted her weight, so she could sneak her left hand down Lexa's body and into her underwear.

“It's not gonna take much, you got me really riled up. Having you use m - Ohhh, yes.” Lexa didn't get to finish her sentence, Clarke's fingers had made contact with her clit, and was drawing taught small circles. 

Clarke buried her head in the crook of Lexa's neck, where she immediately began to kiss and nipple the skin, she found so delectable. The moan Clarke elicited from Lexa, as she bit down harder, while her fingers were furiously working Lexa's clit, had Lexa bite her own hand, keeping her moans from spilling out. Lexa's other hand was moving around, from holding on to Clarke, to grabbing fistfuls of blankets and furs, to pulling on her own hair.

The assault that Clarke was doing to her body, hard and fast, was having Lexa tumble over the edge quickly, in a powerful orgasm that had her bite down, hard, on her hand, to keep from moaning too loud. Clarke could feel the vibrations, from Lexa's moans and groans through her neck, as she kissed and licked the bite mark she had left. It made her smile, a chuckle escaping her, though she doubted Lexa heard her, she was too caught up in aftershocks. 

As Lexa's breathing returned to normal, and she eased up on her hand, she drew Clarke in for a kiss. This kiss, as opposed the others they had shared in their passion, was very gentle and slow. Clarke felt the emotions rise in her, at Lexa's ever present gentleness. She really loved her, loved how closed off and tough she appeared outward, but behind closed doors, she was so gentle and beginning to really open up to her.

“I love you.” Lexa said, in between small kisses. “I love you too.” Clarke answered her, before laying down, with her ear over Lexa's heart. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke, and began to run her fingers gently up and down Clarke's back, on top of her tank top.

After a few minutes, Clarke broke the comfortable silence of them enjoying each other. “I wish we could spend the whole day in bed, I so do not want to have to deal with everyone today.” Lexa hummed in response, not even bothering to open her eyes, she was too content, lying with Clarke in her arms. “I mean, it's amazing how few of them are capable to make decisions on their own.” Clarke continued, sitting up and gesturing with her hands, as she ranted on. “I don't mind that they come to me and want or need my opinion, I know I took the leadership position, somebody had to do it. But, come on, do they need me for Every. Single. Little. Thing? Ugh, and I know all this is new to them, to us, being here on the ground. And, also, keeping the peace between all the thickheaded 'grownups', who think they know what's best, and the younger people, my friends, it's just so tiring. Can't they see that things can't be like they were on The Ark? That we need to have different rules here, different ways to do things. Some of them have come around and, thankfully, more are starting to see the error of their ways, but it's such a slow and heavy dance, one I could be without!”

Clarke was looking at Lexa, an exasperated and dejected look on her face and chest heaving for breath, after her rant. Lexa, who had also sat up, could see the stress and frustrations was weighing Clarke down, she herself had had a lot to deal with. Lexa had had years to get used to it, so it didn't affect her energy, the way she could see it was doing to Clarke.

Lexa gently took hold of Clarke's hand, drawing Clarke back into her embrace, kissing the top of her head. Lexa felt Clarke slump heavily against her and sigh deeply. The good mood and energy Clarke had had earlier, had drained away, letting all her worries come rushing back. Feeling Lexa's arms around her and inhaling her scent, was the only thing grounding Clarke, keeping her sane, in this moment. If she had been alone, Clarke was sure that she would be bawling in the corner, rolled up in the fetal position, until she got herself under control to go out and deal with her people.

“Alright.” Lexa said after a minute. “I know what we need. Today, I will leave Indra and Abby in charge, and I'll take you out of camp, to this place I know. We'll have a few hours, recharge, and then come back and be on top of our game again.” 

Clarke sat up. “No, we can't, we..” She didn't get to finish, Lexa interrupted her. “We can and we will. Clarke. “ Lexa cradled Clarke's face in her hands, caressing her cheeks with her thumbs. “Being a leader is knowing when to let go and take care of yourself. It's knowing that you have people, a second, who can make sure to keep people in line, to keep the world turning as you take some time to yourself. No one can keep going at the pace you've been going for the last two months. Clarke, you have been under so much stress, and you need a brake, or you won't be any good to your people. Yes, they need you, but they can manage for a day. We're almost finished here, we will probably leave within the next two to three days.” 

Lexa brought their foreheads together, still cradling Clarke's face in her gentle hands. “We can do this, Clarke. We need to do this, I need you to do this for me.” Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath at Lexa's pleading tone. Lexa took a shuddering breath, emotions were bubbling up from her chest. “I need you, Clarke. I need you and it scares me, so much. I need you to be healthy, I need you to be okay. Okay?” Lexa drew back, looked at Clarke, until she opened her eyes and their eyes locked. Seeing emotions well up in Lexa's eyes, and hearing her confession, Clarke nodded.

“Okay, I'll go with you, I'll always go with you. I need you too. Without you, I would have probably gone insane by now, or having snapped and left everyone.” A small chuckle left Clarke, and it made a small, watery smile appear on Lexa's face. 

“Alright, okay, let's do this.” Clarke said, as they both took a deep breath to settle their emotions. Clarke leaned forward again, and hugged Lexa close to her. “Thank you.” She whispered in her ear. As they drew apart, Clarke pressed a quick kiss to Lexa's lips, before they got up and out of bed.

They got ready, and Lexa send after Indra and Abby, packing a bag while they waited for the two women to appear.

Indra though still injured but able to move around, was the first to appear, it was still early and half the camp was still sleeping or getting ready to face the day.

“Heda. Sky leader.” Indra gave a curt nod to each as greeting. Clarke reciprocated with a nod of her own, followed with a smile. Indra had warmed up to her a bit, but they were still very formal with each other.

As Clarke busied herself with packing a small bag, Lexa had let it slip that there might be a lake where they were headed and she hoped she could take a proper bath, Lexa was talking quietly with Indra in Trigedasleng, which Clarke still only knew a few words, the language was still difficult for her to grasp. She hoped she would get a better chance at learning it, when they had settled down and things would calm down a bit.

Indra left, and Lexa left with her. She was going to get them breakfast, and pack some food for their day ahead. A few minutes after, Abby was let through the tent flaps, by one of Lexa's bodyguards.

“Hey, mom.” Clarke greeted her. Abby went forward and drew Clarke into a hug. She felt her daughter melt into her arms, and it warmed her heart that she had gotten her daughter back, that they had worked out their differences. Having Clarke in her arms always felt like home, no matter where they were or whatever was going on, Clarke being okay, made her fight on, made her want to create a better world for her.

They each took a small step back, and Abby took a good look at Clarke, really seeing her. “You look tired, honey. Are you okay?” Abby asked, her hand going up to caress Clarke's cheek. Clarke leaned into her mother's hand, as she closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath.

“I'll be okay.” Clarke said. “That's actually why we called you here. Lexa has convinced me I need a break, so she is taking me away for the day, and we are leaving you and Indra in charge.” Abby noticed how Clarke's eyes lit up when she mentioned Lexa, how a bit of color reappeared in her cheeks, how she slightly straightened her posture. Abby had seen Clarke with her girlfriend, back on The Ark, and seen her flirt with a couple of boys. She had also seen her with Finn, albeit they had all been really stressed out at those times. But she had never seen her daughter so in love before, that the mere mention of her heart's name made her look more awake, more alive. 

Abby knew that Clarke being with Lexa could, potentially, give problems, and also paint a target on her. And if she hadn't seen Lexa light up just as much at the mere casual mention of Clarke, she would be worried. But Abby could see that the love between them, even though they had only known each other for a short time, was real, was a love that many spend their lifetimes searching for. It made Abby a bit jealous, but also think that, maybe, she was beginning to feel something for someone again.

She mentally shook the thoughts away, she was not ready to think about that right now, so she responded to Clarke instead. “You do look like you could use a break. I'm glad that Lexa's taking care of you, or I would have to have words with her.” Abby said, as she smiled and winked at Clarke, showing she was kidding. Sort of. If she hadn't been getting to know Lexa, getting to know her more vulnerable side, she would still be very intimidated by her, be protective of her daughter.

Clarke let out a laugh. “Mom, she would wipe the floor with you, I can just see it.” She began to laugh harder, as she saw the offended look on her mother's face.

Abby put her hands on her hips, as she, very seriously, said. “I will have you know, young lady, that your mother have been known to be scrabby, from time to time. I'm not afraid of that twig of a girl.” That did Clarke in, as she almost fell to the floor holding her stomach, as laughter tore through her. Abby couldn't hold her serious face for long, before chuckles bubbled up from her throat.

It was this picture that Lexa saw, when she entered her tent, Clarke having difficulties standing up because of laughter, and Abby, desperately trying to keep her's in. She stopped in her tracks, a fond look on her face, as she saw Clarke as she had never seen her before. Clarke laughing, so openly, like she didn't have a care in the world. Lexa swore, then and there, that she would do whatever she could to get Clarke laughing like that again, the sound was filling her with a warmth she hadn't felt in a long time.

Abby noticed Lexa enter, and saw how she absolutely melted at the sight of Clarke laughing. She didn't think she had ever seen anyone more in love, than Lexa. That girl was so far gone, she would do anything for Clarke. It took Abby's breath away, seeing the absolute adoration on Lexa's face, and that it was directed at her daughter. It gave her faith that Clarke could be okay again. It gave her peace of mind, that someone else was looking out for her daughter, because she was sure that Lexa would do whatever was in her power, to protect Clarke and keep her safe. Especially after what had happened to Costia. Her heart went out to Lexa, she was getting her second chance at happiness.

Clarke looked up, and as she saw Lexa, a new fit of laughter overtook her. Lexa was confused as to why her presence would make Clarke almost fall over laughing, but she went over to her and put her arm around Clarke's middle, keeping her upright as she was double over.

“What's so funny?” Lexa asked, and she heard a snort escape Abby, as Clarke tried to contain her laughter enough to explain. “M-my mother.. thinks.. tha-that she can.. can take you in a fight.” Clarke stammered out in between trying to catch her breath. She managed to contain her laughter to giggling, until Lexa opened her mouth, then she completely lost it. She blamed sleep deprivation.

At Clarke's explanation, Lexa tilted her head to the side and looked contemplatively at Abby. “Hmm.. Well, she definitely has potential.” Lexa smiled widely at Abby, mirth shining through. She meant what she had said, Abby did have potential, she just needed training, but they both knew that Lexa would win in a heartbeat.

Having Lexa joke with her, warmed Abby's heart, she was seeing Lexa in a new light, more free and open. It was really nice seeing Lexa's face lit up by a smile, instead of the scowl she almost always wore in public.

“Well, I will take my leave then, let you kids have your fun.” Abby said, not even trying to fight the smile on her face, as she went over and hugged a struggling Clarke, who was still using Lexa to stand upright as she fought to regain her breath. Abby also gave Lexa a one armed quick hug, feeling Lexa freeze for a second, before reciprocating the hug. Lexa was still getting used to people, other than Clarke, being physical with her.

“Did Clarke manage to explain..” Lexa began, but Abby waved her off, still smiling. “Yeah, she filled me in, it's no problem. You both deserve a day off, with all you've done the last couple of weeks. So, get out of here, and have a relaxing day. Indra and I will take care of everything.” Abby said. She then turned around and walked out of the tent.

Lexa stood for a moment, slight concern creeping into her, as Clarke had yet to stand properly or say anything, though her laughs and giggles had subsided. “You okay?” Lexa asked, still having her arm around Clarke's waist.

It took a moment, but Clarke stood up, face red, traces of tears and an arm cradling her stomach. “My abs and cheeks hurt.” She pouted, fighting a smile as her other hand was massaging her cheeks. “Well,” Lexa said with a giggle. “You did give them a good workout.” The scowl that Clarke directed her way had Lexa throw a large smile back in Clarke's face, as she drew her into a hug. 

They stood a while in their embrace, enjoying the closeness, before Clarke broke it and took a step back. “We all packed and ready?” She asked. Lexa nodded in response, and they gathered their things and headed out to get their horses ready.

As they rode out of camp, with their two personal bodyguards, Clarke glanced back. She couldn't quite shake her guilt at having to leave her people for a day, though she knew she needed this break to properly function. Lexa saw her look back, and said to her. “They'll be fine, your mother and Indra will keep tight reigns on them.”

Clarke turned her head back and looked at Lexa's reassuring smile, her worries fading away to the back of her mind. “Yeah, I know, you're right, they'll be alright.. Soo... Tell me about this place we're going.”

“Well, it's a place that always brings me calm.” Lexa began. “I found it about a year after.. After loosing Costia. I was in TonDC for a while, being on my yearly trip around the clan territories, and I was just riding around one day, needing to get away for a bit. I came across a small lake. It was placed in the middle of this beautiful clearing, at a mountainside, so it had this small waterfall going into it. The water was so clear, you could see the bottom of the lake, tall grass and wild colorful flowers were surrounding it, with rocks big and comfortable enough to sit on, strewn around. So, I came across this place and I sat down and just took in the serenity it exuded. Over the last two years, I've been there a couple of times, whenever I was in the vicinity and had the time.”

Whenever Lexa spoke of something she felt passionate about, whenever she said more than quick precise sentences, Clarke never failed to pay rapt attention. She loved listening to Lexa's voice.

“You know.” Lexa continued, a bit hesitantly. “I've never brought anyone with me there, before.” She looked at Clarke, her cheeks turning red at the admission. Clarke locked eyes with Lexa, giving her a warm and reassuring smile. “I'm honored that you will share this special place with me. It means a lot” Clarke said. Lexa returned Clarke's smile, and they rode on in silence for a few minutes, before Clarke broke it.

“I think that we should up the tempo here a bit, you've sold this place to me so good, that I can't wait 'till we get there. So, what say you, ohh great Commander, think we can get there sooner rather than later?” She said, giving Lexa a cheeky grin.

“Alright, Clarke.” Lexa said. “Let's get this show on the road', I believe Octavia said the other day.” At that, Lexa sat of in a gallop, followed by Clarke and their bodyguards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, it felt good, though tiring, to spend the weekend (well Saturday afternoon and most of Sunday) writing. I've started a new school, and waking up at 6 every day, is gorram tiring, but it's ok. I'm still stressing out about life, I need to find an internship that want me and my body can handle, and that, hopefully, can steer me towards working on film productions, further down the road. But for now, it's school until January, which is exam month.
> 
> I still can't promise when the next chapter will be out, but I will do my best to not let it be more than maybe two weeks.
> 
> Thanks, for being so patient with me, my lovelies, you all deserve hugs and happiness :)

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone interested, I'm a multi-fandom reblogger on tumblr: aj-spikey.tumblr.com


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